Conversation with Cousin

Kids are selfish because they are kids. But does that give them the right to hurt so unintentionally? More to the point, does that give me the right to show my claws? *archly*

Conversation with Cousins, Age 8 & 9
Two cousins giggle
Me: What?
Cousin A: Cousin B says you’re fat.
Cousin B: Yes, why are you so fat?

Tell me, dear friends, what should I reply to that? I mean, yes, yes, yours truly is fat *sulk* but that doesn’t mean I want people to keep telling me that to my face? And trust me, they have said so much too often for my ego. *roll eyes* Believe me, usually yours truly doesn’t have a problem insulting people who insult me or even giving a cheeky reply in response, but when it’s my 8 year old cousins and telling me so bluntly to my face, what can I do? I can’t put her down yet, I can’t deny that I was hurt by it. Yours truly doesn’t have a problem with self image, yes, I should be much slimmer than I am, yes, I am overweight, but yours truly doesn’t have a hang up over it. Just because I don’t fit today’s standards of reed thin women, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me, right? Think about it, in traditional ancient China, I’ll be considered beautiful aka think Yang Gui Fei. Besides, I still don’t have much problems buying clothes. What is it about a kid that can make me self-conscious about myself? More to the point, does that mean that yours truly need a greater ego, or worse, thicker skin?

Perhaps, the sensible way would be for me to avoid my cousins? Perhaps I should never volunteer to bring the 2 brats out anymore?

Btw, did I mention that I was, or still is, their favorite cousin, to the point that they wished I was their elder sister?

Amazing, huh? I bring them out for a fantastic day, spending way too much of my pittance of a salary on them, and I feel sucky after spending time with them….Somewhere, someone must hate me. *arched brows*


Another Conversation with Cousin B, Age 9
Cousin: do you have a B?
Me: A B?
Cousin: (whispers) boyfriend.
Me: Oh. No.
Cousin: But why? You’re so old. Everyone so old should have Bs.
Me: Huh? That’s not true
Cousin: Yes, it is. (with all the certainty of a kid) You should have a B as you’re so old. And anybody who reaches 23 or 25, must have Bs.
Me: Oh…so you mean if I don’t have a B, I’m not considered 23?
Cousin: Yes. You are already so old, you should get a B.

Tell me, where does it says anywhere that at 23 yours truly must have a B? And since when are our kid cousins allowed to inquire over our personal love life? Most of all, when did yours truly reach an oh-so-advanced age without knowing? I didn’t know that at 23, I’m already qualified to be labeled as old. *grimace* On a sudden irrational impulse, (it’s irrational since yours truly knows well enough that one does not argue with a 9 year old kid who doesn’t know much) but still, I had the sudden urge to go out and get myself a B, just so that I can show my cousin that I’m normal (and yours truly is never one to uphold the virtues of normalcy, read: boring) , or better still, just get a guy friend to pretend to be my B so I can shut her up and also not have to live with the consequences of getting a B on an impulse. But then again, what does that really prove?

Besides, it is wrong that I’m waiting for my THE ONE? Should I have just settled for guys along the way who I didn’t feel that special spark?

Call me fool if you will, but

I think not.

I believe that if we are meant to be, heavens above would give me you.

That Someone

I.
I want to find the guy of my dreams
I want to find someone to love
I want my grand passion
I want it so much that it hurt

My heart believes that he is out there
My heart believes that we are meant to be
My heart believes in this one single person
My heart believes so much that it is unreal

I want it so
I believe it so
So much
That it is frightening

II.
Where is that someone
Where is my promise of a grand passion
Where is the guy for me

Perhaps
Only in my dreams

Perhaps
Only in my make believe

Perhaps
Only in my heart

Perhaps
Only perhaps.

III.
Are you looking for someone of your dreams
Are you also searching for that instant spark
That silken link
That silver tie

Are you perhaps out there waiting
Are you perhaps out there looking
Are you perhaps believing in me

Are you out there
Waiting
For me.

IV.
I believe
My heart believes
There can only be one
One unique individual
Who quickens my heartbeat

Do you believe so
Do you believe in me
The way I do
The way I really do
Believe in

You.

Kel. 26 October 2004.