Envy

I hate you

I hate the way
you describe your experiences
in the Big Apple
making me yearn
for more

I hate you

I hate the way
You make me feel inadequate
For not keeping up
With scholarly studies
Making me guilty
For knowing too little

I hate you

I hate the way
You live the life
To the fullest
Creating
Learning
Making me feel
Stagnant

I hate you

I hate the way
You know so much
Have so much to look
Forward to
Making me depressed
About putting my life
On hold
To save up for my
Life ahead

I hate you
I really do
Even if you provide
Eye candy

Even if you provide
So much interesting knowledge

I still hate
You

I do.

Kel. 31 May 2005

Food! Food! Food!

Calm is all Nature as a Resting Wheel

Calm is all nature as a resting wheel.
The kine are couched upon the dewy grass;
The horse alone, seen dimly as I pass,
Is cropping audibly his later meal:
Dark is the ground; a slumber seems to steal
O'er vale, and mountain, and the starless sky.
Now, in this blank of things, a harmony,
Home-felt, and home-created, comes to heal
That grief for which the senses still supply
Fresh food; for only then, when memory
Is hushed, am I at rest.
My Friends! restrain
Those busy cares that would allay my pain;
Oh! leave me to myself, nor let me feel
The officious touch that makes me droop again.

~ William Wordsworth

Yours truly really hate to degenerate into food blogging. But really, I just had the most satisfying meal in ages at Café de Amigo. Of course, the end of my exams probably had a lot to do it with. But trust me, nothing beats good food, indulgence and great company after a sucky bleak doomed to flunk paper. *grimace*

Ok. Let’s skip the depressing topic and back to the food.

Starters
*Candid - escargots and baked oyster.
Yours truly - deep fried cheese. (OMG! 3 types of cheese. Indescribable)

Soup
*Candid - onion soup.
Yours truly - cream of potato
(Ok. This course was pretty average. Not the best soup that I had. *shrug* But it was acceptable. PS: Yours truly just mastered the art of cooking the perfect thick & creamy soup using Campbell in her bid to find excuses not to study for her taxation exam.)

Main Course
*Candid – Lamb
Yours truly – Rib Eye Steak
(Good, tender & succulent. Need I say more? Although according to *Candid, nothing beats the moist and tender lamb at Esmirada, Chijmes)

Dessert
Tiramisu
(Again, a very acceptable dessert. Not too bad texture and just a dash of rum. But according to *snappish & *eccentric, the best tiramisu in town is at this Italian restaurant (?), Great World City.)

Nice cosy atmosphere even though they won’t allow you in without a reservation. Quite popular. Two big units shop front and a wine place to boot with free corkage. Damn, wished I brought a bottle of my fav german wine. *sigh*. The owner speaks with a really slangish English accent, sounds American-ish but he speaks with his wife & staff in fluent Cantonese. Yours truly suspect they are probably from Hong Kong. Today, being a Friday night, entail slow service and long waiting. But hey, at least the food is worth it. The customers are largely older people, more like my grandparents’ age but obviously from comfortably wealthy educated family. Their manner made it seem like “we dropped by a neighbourhood place for dinner”. Did I mention we were in the middle of town area aka Orchard? *archly*

Anyway, food/restaurant gushing aside. The sucky sucky exams are finally over. Trust me, I never had such a dreary time as the past week, despite not having to go to work, I couldn’t even enjoy my leave because of the depressing need to study. There is really nothing as excruciatingly boring as TAX. I think I would rather go back to Varsity and do almost any other Political Science or Philosophy module in comparison.

The tragic news is, when results are out and I flunk, I have to go through Tax all over again! Dear Evilness, help!

On other news, when I returned to my office today, OMG, I can’t see my desktop. It is that covered with work. *whistles* And I don’t even have a really huge active portofolio. What has everyone been doing while I was gone? *laconically*

Also, yours truly went shopping after my exam & bought 2 new tops (retail therapy, you know). ^_^

So all in all, a nice ending to a sucky morning of exam. Yikes.

Right, whining over. Back to cold hearted bitch wannabe.

Over and out.

Untitled

I.
Technology has
Changed
The unity of
Space

Bodies move
Across
Space
Differently

Escalators transport
Bodies
Rather than
Human will

We move
Not in motion
With our bodies
But through

The unity of space
With the motion
Of technology
Space has

Changed

We are
Stationary
Technology has
Made us

Motionless


II.
Change is the
Only
Constant

Change is the
Only pillar
Of life

Living with
Change
A Necessity

Accept
Change
Willingly

To bear
The burden
Of heaviness

Of constant
Change
Diffidently

To bear the
Heaviness of the Soul

Acceptingly

III.
Motion of the body
Motion of the spirit
Motion of the soul

Is changed
Has changed
Will change

Poetry in Motion
Motion in Poetry
Poetry and Motion

Of the body
Of the spirit
Of the soul

Creation
Change
Movement

IV.
My body
My spirit
My soul

Your body
Your spirit
Your soul

Our body
Our spirit
Our soul

In motion
Live
And

Change

V.
You
Me
Us

Live
And
Change

We live apart
We stay together

But we change
Apart

But we change

Our motion
Our steps
Changing

Constantly

We can
We must
Accept

Changes

We can
We must
Live with

Changes

We can
But
Grow

Apart

VI.
Dreams come
Dreams go

We grow
We change

Our changes
Our growth
Draws us

Apart

Only few
Grow and change

In pace

But alas
We belong
Not

In that group.

Kel. 20 May 2005.

In boredom, I blog

Oh Dear

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Being in love
Is no longer fashionable

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
One night stands
Are the in thing now

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Speed dating
Is done these days

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Dates last only
For seconds nowadays

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Women can survive
Without men

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Women like me
Survive without men
Like you

Oh dear
Do listen more.

Kel. 16 May 2005.

I still do

You laugh at me
Because I like silly love songs
But I still do
Even if they are mushy

You tease me
Because I like children’s novels
But I still do
Even if they are simple

You mock me
Because I like frivolous romances
But I still do
Even if they are too girlish

You laugh
You tease
You mock

But I still do
Like what I like

In the same way
I still do
Like you

Even if you lack the soul of a poet
Even if you are not the perfect man of my dreams
Because even than,
I still do
Like you.

Kel. 10 Jan 2005

The chaos of human; The whimsy of living

Human Abstract
~ William Blake.

Pity would be no more,
If we did not make somebody Poor
And Mercy no more could be,
If all were as happy as we;

And mutual fear brings peace,
Till the selfish loves increase;
Then Cruelty knits a snare,
And spreads his baits with care.
He sits down with holy fears,
And waters the ground with tears;
Then Humility takes its root
Underneath his foot.

Soon spreads the dismal shade
Of mystery over his head;
And the Caterpillar and Fly
Feed on the Mystery.

And it bears the fruit of Deceit,
Ruddy and sweet to eat;
And the Raven his nest has mad

In its thickest shade.

:::

What more can be chaotic than life? More whimiscal than living?

Next topic: an absurd world

Blog Game Reloaded

Chaotic Whimsy
by *wallflower aka martinus scriblerus




Nice design, don't ya think?

Spoof Fun

How do I doubt thee? Le me count the ways

How do I doubt thee? Let me count the ways
I doubt thee to the depth and breadth and height
My thoughts can think, when feeling out of sorts
For in the hearts of heart, lies unconscious vulnerability.
I doubt thee to the level of each day
Where trust wrestles with doubt, by day and by night
I doubt thee often, as women are to maladies of self doubt:
I doubt thee painfully, as I torment myself.
I doubt thee with a darkness that put our love
With a sinister tinge, and with my lack of faith
With my lost sanity --- I doubt thee with my heart,
Mind, soul of me, such insecurity! --- and, if only you would prove true
I shall but doubt thee not if I could but believe thee.

If only faith and trust came so easily.

Kel. 10 May 2005.

Universal Genes

Father’s Daughter

I am my father’s daughter
We share the same blood
We have the same genes

I am my father’s daughter
We share the same personality
We have the same characteristics

I am also my mother’s daughter
We share the same capabilities
We have the same outlook

But really
Essentially
I am my father’s daughter

Kel. 8 May 2005.

:::

I hate to admit it, but common sayings are right:

Father’s daughters
Mother’s sons

Yours truly always knew I am the combination of both my parents. Not necessarily the best combination of both, but yours truly’s vanity would like to assume that she has the best of both, thank you very much.

But it has always been on the edge of my awareness that I am more my father than I am my mother. While from appearance and on the surface, I am very much my mother’s daughter but if you prod deeper, I am never as like my mother as I am my father. I can never think in the same manner as my mother unlike my brother. In other words, I am my father’s daughter and my brother my mother’s son.

How quaint. How typical

Perhaps such is the case universally?

Or perhaps not

It is afterall, more ego-boosting to think me and my family unique.

But really, yours truly was never that egoistical.

Are you?

I think

Yes.

Sorry to burst your bubble.

Then again, you probably had it coming. Yes? *archly*

Fire

Your Element is Fire Your power color: red Your energy: hot Your season: spring Like a fire, you are full of power and light. A born leader, you easily draw people toward you. You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous. You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention. What Element Are You?

****

Again, another quiz that yours truly did in a bid to neglect my studies aka having not studied at all for her looming Tax exam. *grimace*

Yes. Yours truly is lazy. So what?

Sue me.

Pilgrimage to the Past

Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost

***

Yours truly had spent the weekend at Genting Highlands. But what surprised me was the fact that this trip actually felt like a journey down memory lane. Yours truly has been going to Genting since young, and I really mean young. My parents used to bring me and my brother to Genting at least 4 to 5 times a year. We would drive up with my mom and dad’s childhood friends (and said friends’ kids who are defacto, my childhood friends) Back then, I swear I know it so well that I could have been a tour guide in Genting. Anyway, I haven’t been to Genting for ages. This time, not only did I go along, but so did 2 other of my childhood friends.

Genting has changed completely. Everything is different. My childhood friends are different, I’m different, heck, even the roads are different and the buildings have changed. Seriously, as I sat in my dad’s car watching the roads fly pass me, listening to the same songs that we always do when driving to Genting, it’s amazing how much of the past I remembered and how much things have changed. I mean, granted, my 2 childhood friends *K and *C has changed completely, but memories of them are still quite distinct.

*K’s married now and his wife came along. Yours truly can’t help comparing the present him and the past him. It’s amazing how much he had changed. On hindsight now, yours truly wonders whether (a) our parents secretly hoped for a match between us, (b) whether he ever thought that we would be a match (c) whether yours truly was ever mildly interested in him and (d) how different our lives would be now if we did indeed get together back then. But then, on the other hand, yours truly likes who I am now, but this person is so different from *K, our paths are so different that I suspect we are like two souls on completely different planes, parallel lines whose lives would never cross if our parents hadn’t been such good friends. And yours truly must admit, I did find him more interesting in the past, the question is thus, did he change so much, did I change so much or have we both changed so much and in so completely opposite ways that we no longer have anything at all in common?

As for *C, she used to be someone yours truly hung out with in my teens, even though we are quite different and she has some characteristics I would despise in anyone else but being my childhood friend, yours truly gave her leeway, ie, put up with the qualities that I deem quite unattractive. This trip, we didn’t even say a single word to each other. Granted, we did not even see each other over the 3 days, but still, for 2 persons who used to hang out together, and kept each other company as we explored Genting together previously, isn’t this kinda sad? Not that it’s *C’s fault or yours truly’s fault. It’s just that we are so different; our lives are so different that we have nothing to talk about or any inclination to even make conversation.

The question is, does education background really have so a big impact on us? I mean, both *K and *C drifted apart from yours truly after our education paths started to diverge. I dunno. Perhaps, it’s just me. Probably yours truly was already *strange and started growing more into me that we drifted further apart. *shrug*

I did remember a funny episode with *C. *C was into meeting strangers (read: guys) from teletext (this is the forefront of Internet days and back during my teens) and guess who she drags with her usually? *roll eyes* Anyway, at least it is *safer and more prudent of her to have company when she met strangers. Back to the point, anyway, there was this one time when she had a date with this guy and I went with her. The guy came with the requisite flower or something, and oh-my-god, you won’t believe how funny he looked. He was rather big sized, which was fine with me (but apparently not with *C) but he had neon orange hair and it clashed horrendously with the red flower he was carrying and the atrocious neon color bag he had with him. Let’s not even go into his attire, since yours truly don’t really remember except that it didn’t do much for him.

Anyway, *C freaked out and dragged me off without meeting the poor guy. I tried to convince her that its only polite to say hi and leave but she refused and left the poor guy standing there. This is just one of the funnier *dates that I got dragged to during my teens. There were some rather tedious ones, or rather rude ones. *grin*. On hindsight, all these now seem rather funny, but trust me, yours truly was not always so amused back then. But I suppose this mindless *dating highlights how different yours truly and *C were even back then. So I suppose it isn’t surprising that we drifted apart?

Ok. Reminiscing aside, yours truly wants to end off with a grateful grin to dear evilness, for I swear, I am glad that I outgrown the teen that I was back then *roll my eyes* and for choosing to tread the alternate paths from my few childhood friends. Imagine if I had gone the same paths, I might now be married and seeking to live the govt’s way of having 2.5 kids with a 2.2 bathroom. *breath of relief*

Can you imagine the horror?

Me neither.

At least, I try not too.

Thank you very much.

Me.