s h e e r c r a z y m e

...

2008-04-17T09:47:00.002+08:00

"I am a contradictory mess but I see it as my prerogative to change my mood like the weather."
~ Shirley Manson

It is yours truly's prerogative to change my mind.

But really because someone complained. Yours truly won't want to be the cause of someone going blind…*deadpan*

But there must be better use of one's time than reading old blogs?

But then again, perhaps not.

Swansong

2007-08-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

Flutes of champagne

Bubbles floating

On the final minute of

Yours truly's birthday

Toast your champagne

To the final swansong

Of sheercrazyme

Good riddance.

~ yours truly

Wizard Test

2007-08-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

My Inner Hero - Wizard!

There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.

How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.

Taking for Granted

2007-07-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

Should I reflect?
Is it my fault?
Am I doing too much?
So much
So naturally
That you no longer notice
That you take me for granted

Perhaps I should reflect
Perhaps it is my fault
Perhaps I am doing too much
So much
So naturally
That you just accept as your right
That you forget that it is not so

I think I know
It is my fault
I am doing too much
So much of what I do
So very naturally
Is just being taken
For granted

You take me for granted
Am I being too nice
Am I being too amendable
Just because I am capable
Does not mean
You can take me for granted

Remember that
Just because I do
Everything
So much
So naturally
It is not your right to expect
It is not your right to take for granted

I owe you nothing
Just because I can
Just because I am capable
Just because I am me
It does not mean
You can take me for granted

You have no right
To take me for granted

Bear in mind
That I do what I do because
I can
Because I want to

But

Bear in mind
That I can

Stop

If I want to

And I will

If you carry on
To take me for granted

Because

Really

You have no right

To take me for granted.

:::

Just because yours truly is quite able to cope and can do organising without much effort, that does not give anyone the right to take moi for granted, and worse, yours truly takes even more offence when anyone takes MY clique for granted.

Yours truly might be slow to anger and have moderate temperament and discipline enough not to throw a tantrum or take out my anger on anyone, it doesn't follow that yours truly doesn't get pissed.

In my professional capacity, trust me, moi doesn't allow anyone to take me for granted or not know when I am doing someone a favor. But for my friends, especially for a member of my clique, I let them have it easy, in fact, I would try to make things easier for them. But hey, that doesn't give anyone the right to take moi or other members of my clique for granted. Certainly not when imposing on us.

I hate the sense of being an afterthought. Also, I don't know how the rest of my clique feels, but I feel that some of them are more my friends than the someone's so I feel doubly bad that my friends are being imposed upon yet treated like an afterthought, such shabbly treatment.

How dare you take us, take me for granted. Or we so unimportant or am I such an unimportant wedding coordinator that you take for granted that even if we or I were not around, the wedding would have gone on without a hitch? *arched brows*

What is it about our friends that makes one less ruthless and less harsh than in my professional capacity?

Or is it just me?

Perhaps I should just exercise my ability to say NO and be the bitch to my friends more often?

Someone tells me I should be more obvious with my friends (or even take it out on all and sundry) when I am pissed.

But yours truly have a highly developed sense of propriety. In other words, I don't take out my *emotions on uninvolved beings.

But maybe I should. At the very least, on the person who takes my efforts for granted and is unappreciative?

Yes. Moi is pissed. More so now than, cos instead of being able to rant and tell that someone off, yours truly ended up consoling her. *roll eyes*

Friends. Why me?

Sheer in a fit

Wedding-Coordinator-to-be

2007-07-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

“Friends are meant to be imposed upon”
~ Sheer

Yours truly is wondering whether moi is able to cope with 3 office events I am running next week and still be the overall wedding coordinator for a wedding that (a) I haven't been involved in at all in the planning, so have no idea on the logistics and what is happening, (b) have not even seen the venue at all, (c) have a workshop that I am running on the same day, so can only be at the wedding location later since I can only be on half day and (d) have a council meeting that I am running immediately on the Monday after the wedding day...and its not even my wedding. *dryly*

Such faith the bride has. *Witchy actually imagine that she can sack her wedding planner and *impose on moi to be her overall coordinator on a 1 week notice. *arched brow. More importantly, moi's friends have offered to be moi's hands and stay by ready for job delegation. No one considered that yours truly might not be able to cope?

The reality is, well, probably yours truly can do it….I might have to push my limits a bit to do it, but probably still can.

But the problem is, (a) it is the dream wedding of a member of my exclusive clique, do I want to risk it not running well, (b) it is really short notice! And (c) I want to have fun and relax at the pool wedding and not be working…when one is the organizer for an event, one almost always never have fun. *laconic*

Oh well. No point thinking about it since moi has just received the wedding sequence of events, and guess what, in the contact list, yours truly is already listed (with my contact no to boot!) as the wedding coordinator. Talk about acting fast...maybe *witchy has a different understanding of "let-me-think-about-it"? Or has yours truly just been too *nice lately? *arched brows

~ Sheer being or rather, allowing herself to imposed on

China trip

2007-07-07T11:15:00.000+08:00

Conference & Meeting rooms
Hotel's cafe & restaurant
Massage Spa next door
1 basement shopping centre
1 bookstore
Seaview of South China Sea (why is the water always muddy?) from my hotel

:::

Above is the list of what yours truly has seen in her short jaunt to China, Zhuhai for a short trip. In other words, it was an exhausting few days. However, it was a trip with many *interesting personalities to observe. Some good, some bad, some weird....I guess the main takeaway is that yours truly now recognise all the bigwigs in moi's organisation and likely they recognise me as well. Oh, that and yours truly managed to practise the art of bargaining, which I only seriously do once in a blue moon to keep in practise.

In terms of content, it was quite an intensive 4 days of workshop. Am now looking forward to how what was discuss is cascading downwards in our organisation and ideas are concretised.

The down side is, yours truly has skipped 4 creative writing classes due to the China trip and jet lag (and oversleeping today!).

In any case, there's a colleague's bday party to attend this evening...hmm....am trying to recall why I am going...oh yah, and how did I managed to get *coerced into joining said colleague's jazz class.....as in she is teaching....hmm....?

PS: Work is going well, am quite busy but its been fun...but yours truly feels a bit bored. I wonder why? Maybe my brain needs R&R. *grin*

Sheer

(The one and only photo on the only SUNNY day - whoever said Zhuhai was hot was *deluded - yours truly took from my hotel room overlooking the pool & South China Sea with my hp since yours truly didn't bring a camera)

Update on my LIFE

2007-06-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

"blend with the sheep; hunt with the wolves"
~ from "The Rules of Work"

:::

Am taking a break from work, so here's a quick random update (not in any specific choronological order) on yours truly's life in brief for the *few weirdos who actually reads my blog and had the audacity 2 complain that yours truly isn't blogging regularly enough (of cos I am not! I have a life...where's yours?)

1. Went for a 3 days PURE SHOPPING trip in Bangkok....and only visited ONE shopping mall....scary huh. Don't even think about the amount of stuff that moi has bought or more to the point, the amount of MONEY spent. As an aside, moi's clothes has OUTGROWN moi's wardrobe, so I now need to get a new one. *grimace

2. Yours truly is totally and absolutely swamped with work (but what's new about that?); and moi will be leaving for China on 28 June for a short office trip, but will be contactable via msn since yours truly decided to lug my trusty laptop along with me. heavy...anyone wants to act as my porter?

3. Went to a gay bar last Friday (boring...), the only *interesting thing that happened was that moi met an ex-MALE colleague at the bar who either *really didn't see me or *pretended not to see me...and btw, the PERSON who wanted to go to the gay bar didn't turn up. I might not always show it (in fact, usually I dun...) but I am actually quite *pissed with him. Oh well. Shrug. Not impt person enough to give him a piece of my mind....*acting the bitch is reserved for selected people for very selective reasons.

4. Went to a BBQ bday party, food was a tad salty but quite okay, nice potato and WAY too much drinks; the atmosphere could be *better I guess. But no real complains, at least there were a great sea breeze and 2 guys in charge of cooking everything and serving us...

5. My grandmother has returned home from *rehab and moi is arranging for her home therapy.

6. Have another bday party to attend next month...again, lotsa strangers...hmm...maybe I should reflect on why lately yours truly seems unable to remain anti-social although of course, yours truly always have the option of going to a party and being anti-social.

7. Planning a bday party....or more to the point, have delegated the planning to____ and _____. Thanks! (not that I gave you 2 your any choice...but hey, I should at least be polite abt it...)

8. Went to pick wedding gowns with *Ms Nice and seriously, it took a WHOPPING 6 hours! OMG. Tell me again why people get hitched?

9. If you even managed to read to this point....I'm impressed at your nosiness....anything else you wana know....you would have to ask me...although yours truly can't fathom wat else anyone wld wanna know...

~ sheer

Idiotic Aunt!

2007-06-19T23:58:00.001+08:00

"May I shoot my AUNT?"

Yours truly is angry, or more to the point, I am feeling *bitchy. Right now, yours truly can shoot someone in particular.

Someone has caused yours truly's mom a great deal of unnecessary pain and anger. And for that, yours truly is *determined to get back at her, relative or not. What right has my eldest aunt -who barely visits my grandma even while granny is is staying with us and only been to the rehab centre twice to see her - to criticise my mom, who goes to visit my grandma, 3 times a day, 7 days a week! What right has she to talk big and show no action. What right has she to say things that are untrue, ridiculous and a complete load of *bullshit, causing yours truly's mom to get angry to boiling point. Imagine my strong *mom with angry and upset tears. Bear in mind that yours truly's mom has high blood! Imagine me seeing my MOM in such a STATE.

In any case, if you are wondering how angry I am at the moment, to be honest, in terms of emotions, I am very calm and rational. But mentally, I am *plotting how to tell my aunt off when I next see her. If she dares to talk big in front of me and dare to *criticise my mom, trust me, you won't want to see how *bitchy moi can be.

Granted, yours truly is usually very moderate and rational, but do not imagine that yours truly is so *calm that I will allow anyone to *step on my mom. No way in hell.

So Auntie better be prepared. If I see her and if she dare say something against my mom, she damn well be prepared to face ME.

And in case you are wondering, when I get *bitchy, I can be really really bad. And when I get *bitchy on behalf of my mom....

Someone better run for cover. Because trust me, I believe in getting even..if not for myself, definitely always for my parents.

10s Poetry

2007-06-08T13:41:00.000+08:00

If you can

If you can make that extra effort
And do that extra deed
At the perfect moment
When I am in the most
Need

If you can read my mood
To the dot
And able to comprehend
What I mean
And what I
Need

If you get grasp
Exactly when I need romance
And when I need logic
When I need rest
And when I need concern

Then we can date
Because how can I
Resist such a
You?

~ Yours truly

UDON

2007-05-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

Yours truly watched a rather entertaining, comical yet rather cheesy film today at The Cathy. Udon, a Japanese film about a loser Kosuke, son of a small town udon shop owner trying and failing to find fame and fortune in the Big Apple, returns home. Back home, he meets *lost and clumsy writer-wannabe, Kyoko. Kosuke rediscover udon and the value behind it.

Sounds like a rather trite plot on the value of small town and *old traditions, but it was surprisingly entertaining. While it was corny in some aspects (like when Kosuke’s father passed away and his ghost appears…) but essentially, it is about family (as expected) and taking over one's parents' heritage.

Kosuke was not on good terms with his father, a stern and humorless man. As a rebellious act, Kosuke wanted to be a comedian with the *lofty goal of making the world laugh (which obviously, he sucked at…really badly at that too…) At the end of the film, he learnt that joy and laughter can be shared very easily, through a simple bowl of udon (or really, any good food but since this is about Udon….shrug). People will enjoy brief spurts of happiness when they get to eat good food. At least I do. Utter bliss in that short momentary moment. Would that true happiness was that easy to find. *deadpan*

The film was about rediscovering home and one's soul food. Most importantly, it was about the importance of following one's dreams without neglecting one's home and roots.

And of course, about finding one's soul food. (Although, yours truly really can't think of mine….but then again, maybe soul food is rather just a metaphor for what is essential to you and something/someone you cannot live without?)

Another theme yours truly rather like was the *bittersweet idea of when one creates something new, one could also be destroying something old at the same time. Booms are created, and crazes over a certain product may create short term fads, but these fads fade very quickly and the towns and people who are part of the production of the product are left worst off. So it hints at the dark underside of hype and the harms of marketing and creation of fads that does not last yet bring lasting damage to some.

Quite a thematic film without being preachy (which moi appreciated). It was a good balance between humor yet providing food for thoughts.

All in all, well worth the price of a cinema ticket and braving the traffic to Orchard on a Saturday night.

I like.

Sheer

PS: Unlike several reviewers, who had commented that they had a strong urge to eat Udon after the film, yours truly was not one of them. After watching various types of Udon for 2 hours, yours truly felt rather full and did not want to look at another bowl of Udon for at least the rest of the week…seriously!

My Friend's ROM

2007-05-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

Eskimo Love Song
You are my husband, you are my wife
My feet shall run because of you
My feet dance because of you
My heart shall beat because of you
My eyes see because of you
My mind thinks because of you
And I shall love, because of you.

:::

Today marks the day my closest friend from Secondary School’s ROM day. Amazing. One of my clique is MARRIED. Of cos, *nice has been an old married couple for ages, but this time, it is FOR REAL. She's married. OMG.

The day started with *nice coming over to yours truly's abode to let yours truly figure out how to do ribbons for her shoes. Did I mentioned that *peaceful and *nice just volunteered moi to tie ribbons for *nice’s ROM shoes without consulting moi? And moi has never even seen the shoes until today? Such faith in yours truly. *deadpan*

In any case, yours truly managed the ribbons. Of course, I did. She is my closest sec sch fren after all.

Typically for a wedding, the bride has tons to do. We were at the studio at half past 2 in the afternoon for *nice's fitting, make up and hairdo, 3.5hrs before the ROM. The groom just turned up less than an hour before the ROM to do his hair and change. *rueful look*

Yours truly wasn't impressed with the makeup, the eye make up could have been better than, but as *doormat says, how can *nice look bad? So obviously, she looks great. But could have been much better. Make up should brighten her face. It wasn't good enough....

Her gown was rather whimsical, but again, another could have better and more flattering. Probably I’m just being picky. Rest assured that when she picks out her gowns for official wedding dinner, *peace and moi will be there!

But all in all, it was a pleasant ceremony. *Nice and her K is a very nice and sincere couple. They are genuinely happy to be married. What does it matter about all other logistics? There was even moments of humor and laughter during the ceremony caused by the solemnizer’s strange and rehearsed English (don't get me wrong, she took her role very serious and was very genuine), but her English pronunciation was….for lack of better phrase, not fluent.

The kiss given by K to *Nice was too quick. I protested with “so quick”. And the solemnizer then said "very good, *Mr Ong. Now do a longer one for the camera this time." *laugh*

Wow. My friend is married!

In any case, yours truly (though I hate mushy sentiments) wishes them all the best. If anyone deserves happiness, *Nice certainly does. There isn't a nicer person anywhere or a more genuine friend. And for your evilness to say so, it must be true. *archly*

CONGRATS!

PS: *snappish is down with gastritric flu and *Ms Evil is down with serious flu. Both had to skip the ROM today. There must be a conspiracy somewhere.

Hobby

2007-05-20T22:32:00.000+08:00

"Every man should have a hobby, provided that his wife doesn't find out about her"

= Cause of death
= Wife

Am not sure where yours truly heard the quotation. In any case, I thought it was funny. But as an aside, most women and some men value fidelity above all, so for evilness' sake, find other hobbies.

Ok. After the totally irrelevant opening, this post is really about why yours truly haven't been blogging lately. Simply put, LAZY. Nothing inspiring to write about, so moi haven't been posting.

Of course, been busy too. With two good frens getting MARRIED this year, going out with friends, working, reading, watching films, working, etc. Yours truly have also set up or more to the point, one of my writing buddy set up a website for moi's usual blog game. The writing word game. So yours truly been having fun writing and reading other scribblers' writings.

Oh yah, yours truly has also got a place in a creative writing course, so yours truly have assignments every week too. *grimace

Moi also have lotsa travelling plans. Am going to BKK again, so look forward to lotsa clothes shopping BECAUSE this time, I'll be going with *candid, *snappish and *peaceful.

Pause to tink of the sheer amount of clothes we will bring back.

Oh dear.

Maybe yours truly shld practise restraining pple first before going...but then again, who am I to spoil their fun...and the amount of money to be spent? *deadpan*

Sheer

Clutter

2007-04-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Sorting through memorabilia
Of the clutter over the years
I was surprised
By the frequent fond smiles
Appearing on my face

Looking through all the letters
The cards
The writings
I was surprised at the footsteps
And sound bites of all
Who has passed my life

Cruising through my stuff
Of you
And you
And you
So many yous
So many ties
So many
Through the years

People you once knew
People you thought you knew
And people you forget you did
All the you-s
All the us-s
All the me-s

I was surprised
At how many
Left
But more so
By how many remained
Changed yet the same

Others will say
How blessed I am.
I normally say
how cursed

But today
Just for once
At this very moment
I agree
with the others

I am.

Kel. 16 April 2007

:::

Are you?

Sugar Coated Equality

2007-04-06T10:39:00.000+08:00

"All people are equal, but men more so than the other"

In a society that pledges to be gender neutral and equal opportunities, what does it mean if my senior mgmt and top people are all males? Oh alright, fine, we do have maybe 3 top executives who are women, but proportionately speaking, especially if we take into account the whole entire group, the figures are dismally male dominated, if not male overrun. Are we really equal opportunities or more likely, perhaps we are just make-believe. We sugar coat to convince ourselves that we are when in reality, women at work knows, it is NOT SO.

After all, *snappish tells me that in her organisation, the men are paid way way more and given promotions way way faster. Likewise, *witchy, despite her 1st class honors, tells me that the guys are still paid more.

Okay. Fine. If we accept that fundamental truth, which yours truly assumes we do since we carry on working and going on as if its a fact of life - I don't see women shouting foul all across the streets or in the press, do you?

So the question is, why? Why are men always in higher positions and faster? Why isthe top disportionately men while the bottom is disportionately supported by women? Is it because we are gender discriminate? Or women are less competent? Or have women been so conditioned to accept this fact since young? And before you start calling me names like feminist, let me first say, I'm not. Not in the way of bra-burning feminists of the earlier days or the let's strive to be better than men moderate feminists of the new age.

No no. Yours truly simply has a highly developed sense of fair play. So if a woman can do better than a man, no reason why she shouldn't be promoted. And to be frank, yours truly usually doesn't even think abt this matter much. But lately, as my so-impt-but-carelessly-completed appraisal form for confirmation of end of probation is due to be submitted, yours truly took stock of the organisation she is in. And wow, the facts sorta scream out loud.

Whose fault is it? When our organisation is top heavy with men, should we blame the society, the organisation or the men? Or horrors of horrors, the women?

Perhaps all, perhaps none.

After all, it takes more than one century to build a society. And perhaps more than a decade at best, to change it. So fundamentally, are we built by men and so, men are now enjoying the fruits of their labor? Or have we been so conditioned to our social and formal roles that we take it for granted?

Is this normal? Is there a great big organisation that is homegrown that are women dominated on the top, and I don't mean strictly in fields of like cosmetics or women-products. Because fact is, many such organisations are still male run.

And before yours truly conclude with her musing and rambling crap, let me first say that moi does not want or aim to have total gender equally because fact is, yours truly likes some man-women inequality where gentlemanly chivalry is still expected.

But perhaps this is just a hint of my social conditioning? But that's even more scary. Assuming that yours truly is a well-educated (I did do uni after all, even if it was crap) and not-too-dumb woman and I think like that. What chance does feminism or equal opportunities really have here?

Sheer

SATC

2007-04-04T18:08:00.000+08:00

"I am not a fan"

Not a convert nor a fan, but yours truly has been watching very slowly but quite steadily, SEX & THE CITY. Why?

Well, the slowly is because at times, the 4 girls are so so neutrotic and bimbotic that yours truly have a strong urge to roll my eyes and tell them to get a grip on themselves.

As for why steadily, well, other than the fact thta SATC is a perfect sitcom to watch during our all-females-food parties. It's also perfectly brainless but with some occasional good lines for down-with-a-cold moi to watch in bed every night.

Feedback on the sitcom from us girls, well, typically, the question centered on "which character did you like best" and "Mr B or Aidan". Very typical indeed.

No prize for guessing yours truly's answers. In some ways, yours truly is very predictable.

More about SATC, maybe, after moi's next slumber party for Season 2 & 3 . . .

:::

"我会生气, 但不会迁怒"

Yours truly had lunch with *Eccentric and we were *bitching as it was moi's "give it good for those who deserve it" week. If you didn't know, which surprises me, but yours truly can be quite the bitch when she wants to. Not as much as *candid perhaps. But good enough. So much as that *eccentric whimpers and says its scary to imagine herself on the receiving end of moi's anger. Fortunately for her, there is no reason why yours truly shld turn my anger on her. I get angry, yes. But I dun take it out on all and sundry. I give it good to the person directly.

Btw, CITIBANK took 3 months to send me an email with the CORRECT card no to activiate my GIRO platimium card. WTF! Despite my repeated phone calls. I hate to take it out on the operators but enough was enough. *stomp feets*

As for the publication yours truly is doing....let's not even go into it. Suffice to say, we pay a journalist and designer but end up doing everything...where have professionalism gone? *arched brows*

In any case, one of the topic we discuss was "alpha eccentric" and "alpha male". Of course, this is not new. After all, the topic of alpha male is rather done. But alpha eccentric. Tat's a new term, to us anyway. Question: so are you looking for an "alpha eccentric" or "alpha male"? Yours truly dun mind either. As if its tat easy to find one anyway. *deadpan*

Why did this topic come up? Well, bascially, yours truly was bitching about someone. *grin* And then started discussing about men and then got carried on to types of men. Surprisingly, some of my friends would actually prefer to settle with a strictly Beta type of men. Hmm.....*eccentric says she will go for beta with some alpha eccentric qualities cos a totally alpha male is too intimidating. *giggle*

But the real question is, if you can settle with an Alpha or a Beta. What is the real reason you select a Beta?

Not tat there's anything wrong with a Beta. In fact, some of happy couples I know are alpha-beta matches.

The answer to this question, would tell a lot about wat you really value in your significant other, I suppose.

But then again, every answer to every question will tell you lotsa things, only if you want it to and if you bother.

So maybe it is not the Q&A that we really need, but self-reflection?

I believe so.

Do you?

Travel Bangkok

2007-03-14T22:48:00.001+08:00

What! No star, and you are going out to sea?
Marching, and you have no music?
Traveling, and you have no book?
What! No love, and you are going out to live?
~ French Proverb

Yours truly can't comment on the sailing, the marching, the music and the love (assuming its the romantic kind) but moi firmly believes that travel feeds the soul and one simply can't travel without a book.

In any case, yours truly has just returned from Bangkok. And yes, moi brought tons of books in my trusty handy PDA, not that I had much time to read, given the amount of shopping moi did. *grimace.

Another eat, shop, spend and sleep type of trip with mom, aunt and 3 cousins. I must have done something bad, that or someone out there hates me. *deadpan* Obviously, yours truly enjoyed the food and the shopping (OMG. THE SHOPPING!) and going with mom dear means that it is almost all expenses paid for (yes yes, we have covered that yours truly is one-fortuante-spoilt-brat. so let's skip this or go sue me) - but the cousins. *rueful look*. It's not that yours truly is judgemental (although I probably am, and anal to boot) but still, did they have to be (a) so noisy (b)so quarrelsome and (c) so awkward?

When someone asks "do you want to eat this or that?" If you have a preference, say so. Don't pretend to say up to you, when you actually have a preference. As you can tell, yours truly prefer frank and confident people who knows what they want. More importantly, moi likes people who can be frank and gracious (think chinese "da fan") in expression, gestures and personality.

Maybe if more people can be more genteel, gracious and frank, yours truly will have more friends.

But then again, maybe not.

On the other hand, yours truly has lately been in a rare mood of sociability, so maybe moi might just possibly expand moi's scope of acquaintances, and hopefully, maybe one might become a friend...dubious...but you never know. I suppose. *laconic*

And in case you are wondering, yes, there is a significant difference between an acquaintance, a friend and a close friend. If you can't tell the difference, you shouldn't even be reading yours truly's blog because really, you can't possibly be the latter of the 3.

But then again, most people are fools, even yours truly. So perhaps moi just over-value words and the distinction between each expression.

But then again, it's my right to do so.

shrug

:::

Rustic house along the river taken in Bangkok.

Probably many people might dream of such a home? I mean, I know some women who would kill to get married and live in a quaint house with flowers and along the river but alas, yours truly is not one of them.

I would love to live in such a house for say, maybe a week, a month, max, especially if it means setting up house with a man and bum around at home while HE works so I can spend. But moi will be bored pretty soon. So I guess the home and hearth gig isn't really for me? *deadpan*

But then again, never say never? After all, if *Ms Evil can change so alarmingly since she got attached. Who can say what's possible or not? *grin*

Mind you, this is not to say she has changed for the better or for the worse. After all, who am I to judge? But imagine, *Ms Evil! Its *Ms Evil and now suddenly, yours truly can see her with the home and hearth and 2 kids hanging ard her skirts. She's even giving out a different aura. And she's now helping the boyfriend to sell his IMPORTED candleholders online. *whistles*.

Isn't she domesticated and so much a couple. *roll eyes* And because she ASKED and really, because she PLEADED, here's the addy. Please help *Ms Evil's love efforts and visit her site.

*Ms Evil and domesticity. Wonders never cease. *whistles*

So perhaps anything is possible.

Maybe some day yours truly might just want to settle down and play house?

But then again,

For that to happen to yours truly?

No way.

Thank you very much

But no thanks.

sheer

Review: Paris, I love You

2007-02-24T16:34:00.000+08:00

Paris Je T'aime

Immediate note to self: Darn. Can I fly to Paris tomorrow? *dryly*

Yours truly went to catch a film yesterday despite the rain and the fact that Orchard road was closed for Chingay Rehearsal. And fortunately, it was worth the effort.

It was a film that yours truly felt, was rightly named as Paris, Je T’Aime (aka Paris, I love you).

A collage of short films by known directors on the topic of - what else from the capital of lovers – love. What made the film enjoyable was the fact that love can be shown and seen in many different ways. Many different people with many different cultures in the many different districts of Paris.

It showcases the works of numerous directors and cast, who really, are filming this out of goodwill. After all, given the number of directors and cast involved, common sense alone would tell you how little each member must be paid. In fact, yours truly read that they are all paid the same wages from the highest to the lowest member of the production, more like a token of appreciation rather than paid work. I guess it highlights how proud the French are of their capital and how many people around the world are entranced by Paris?

The spirit of the film focused on a specific moment of love and given the numerous directors involved, it was rightly a multi-faceted interpretation of love. This is the point when yours truly have to salute the director that put everything together, because the pace, the rhythm of the stories and cohesiveness was unexpected. Yours truly was prepared to like the various stories as it was shown, but I expected a slightly more “patchwork” feel when different pieces are randomly put together. What I was not expecting was a certain central rhythm and of course, the underlying fondness for Paris.

The result was a quaint look at Paris and at love through a kaleidoscope of stories that touches on the search for love, the finding of and the losing of love. It started off with a Frenchman looking through the windows of his car at all the couples and wondering why everyone is attached but him, perhaps like the way we are looking at him, and perhaps, just perhaps, also wondering the same? His segment ended with him meeting someone. The film went on to the other aspects of love but the final short film ended with an American woman going to Paris on her own. She is not looking for love. Instead, she fell in love with Paris. At her age, she concedes that romantic love might not be for her, but she accepts it with grace and optimism. There are other things in life other than romantic love. A nice touch.

Of course, an even nicer symmetry to the opening story of the Frenchman. So the whole film had a certain symmetry and tempo. It is like a spiral that unwind yet end on the starting point with a twist.

For a film on love, yours truly understands why it was largely based on our generation’s obsession on romantic love, but some short films in the collage touched on other types of love such as a mother’s love for her child, which serves to make the idea of love more encompassing. I like.

Of course, this is not to say that the film was perfect or to mislead you into thinking that the threading of all segments was logical and seamless. That in itself is an impossible task. After all, the number of celebrated directors and stellar cast listed in the credits alone reflects the magnitude of the production. But it was a credible attempt to blend the short segments filmed by celebrated directors such as Wes Craven, the Coen Brothers, Gus Van Sant, Gurinder Chadha, Walter Salles, Alexander Payne and Olivier Assayas into a whole. And for that, even if some segments or stories seem rather….for lack of a better word, uninspiring to yours truly, it was still enjoyable as a whole.

Yours truly particularly liked the poignant story on an unfaithful husband who took care of his terminally sick wife and fell in love with her all over again; the humorous/witty story of the young engaged couple visiting Oscar Wilde’s grave; the quaint and somewhat fiery story of an aging couple who attempts role playing to ignite dying passion and of course, the witty yet somewhat bittersweet story at a divorced old couple who are both “cradle snatchers” since they are dating/marrying man/woman much younger than themselves.

In gist, fly to Paris, failing which, at least watch the film. *laconic*

Sheer

CNY

2007-02-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

Life is either cookies or rocks.
Lately, it's been only rocks.
Maybe it's time for cookies?

:::

It's been a really hectic two weeks or so.

If yours truly is superstituous, I would imagine that my karmic guardian has decided to throw all rocks at moi at the same time. What with two friends having a serious falling out such that they don't even talk or see each other anymore, and *Candid going through a tough situation, other pressing work stuff, going for MPS, etc, been so busy that I barely had time to pause and reflect. Oh well enough said.

Yours truly is *ashamed to say that lately, I have been so busy or tired mentally that I have been barely present at work. Too many things happening I suppose. Oh well. CNY is here soon. Will have a good rest over the long weekend, hopefully will feel recharged for the PIG year.

Btw, yours truly has to forego EUROPE, other than the fact that my MAY event has been postponed, the real reason is because I don't wanna go with a couple. No way. *shake head*. In any case, *Starry should have a romantic trip with her *Gallant. Yours truly will likely make a few short trips within 2007 but just not a long backpacking one. *grimace*

On a brighter note, yours truly now have more leave to travel with different groups of people. =)

PS: I'm really looking forward to watching "Paris, I Love You", "Man of the Year" and "Happily Ever After". *wink*

PPS: *Witchy & *Ms Nice are getting HITCHED this year. There's a pool reception, wedding dinners at Hyatt and Meritus Mandarin to look forward to....also to the LARGE hole in moi's pocket.....*wryly*

Ok. Have a great LUNAR new YEAR, my friends!

Sheer

Me

2007-02-09T00:25:00.001+08:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	28
Extraversion	43
Openness To Experience	49
Agreeableness	44
Conscientiousness	75

You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You are generally calm and composed, reacting moderately well to situations that most people would describe as stressful. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

Dinner Celebration

2007-01-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

Food, Friends, Fun

What else do you need
For a perfect Sunday?

Except maybe
You?

~ Kel. 28 January 2007

Yours truly had a nice afternoon/evening.

First, there was an entertaining afternoon of TABOO fun. If you haven't ever played TABOO, try it. Yours truly likes the game precisely because it allows moi to learn more about the wavelength of friends. After all, the game forces us to describe words and one's association and choice of description reveals much about a person.

In any case, the game was followed by a great steamboat and desserts. Of course, there were alcohol (how can there not be?). A friend of *Starry actually bake a LINDT 70% dark chocolate tart. All present were duly impressed by the tart. More significantly, yours truly's mom *approved of the tart. High praise indeed for *starry's friend.

Anyway, we obviously had way too much food. *Starry had to bring back the cake she brought along, unfortunately. grimace. But really, there was no way we could stuff ourselves with anything else. Sorry, *starry, but gesture appreciated nonetheless. *grin*

Envious?

I would be too, that is, if I weren't present. smirk.

But hey, yours truly contributed the venue and the steamboat and borrowed TABOO from *peace, so moi's sorta entitled to be smirky.

In gist, nice Sunday night.

Perfect way to welcome *candid as my roommate for a month.

Won't you agree?

sheer

Resignation Finally

2007-01-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
~ David Sedaris, "Naked"

You-know-who has finally taken the plunge.

She dumped lotsa glue (such a waste of glue!) on the envelope and *stomped into the director's room and tendered her resignation in a "i-dun-care and this-is-final" tone. No discussion. No more wavering.

Good for you, my friend!

Thumbs up.

Moi's first reaction....CONGRATS. FINALLY. *arched brows*

Yours truly didn't wanna unduly influence moi's friends, so I usually refrain from giving my decision if I were you type of answer. In other words, I try to give rational and logical "advice" on both sides of the picture. But in this case, yours truly can only say, good riddance. The grass out there is really greener. *dryly*

Yes, finally, the end to a long tedious process of wanting to quit and wavering here and there and never taking the final plunge.

Imagine the patience and endurance yours truly had shown when in reality, yours truly prefers decisive firm and logical decision/action. *roll eyes*

Oh well. Better late than never. Yes?

Perhaps its time you did something about something in your life?

Change isn't necessarily bad.

Or necessarily good.

Only you can decide for yourself.

Maybe its time we all reflected.

Won't you agree?

:::

News Flash: *Candid is moi's soon-to-be ONE month roommate!

Films

2007-01-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

Everybody's Hell is different. It's not all fire and pain. The real Hell is your life gone wrong.
~ What Dreams May Come

There's tons of films lately that yours truly would like to watch, will watch and those that moi wants to watch but dun dare to watch.

For a start, yours truly will likely watch the following:
~ Sione's Wedding
~ One Last Dance
~ Babel
~ Painted Veil

Yours truly would really like to watch the following, if and only if, moi gets my stomach and guts in order:

~ Requiem
(why is the sub-heading "the last exorcism in in Germany"? The plot looks very interesting but the sub-heading makes moi worried abt the contents of the film....any takers to watch with moi?)

~ Big Bang Love
(yours truly probably can gather my guts to sit through the violence but not the sad ending whereby one protagonist dies. *sigh*)

Thinking of watching:
~ Perfume
(do I really wanna watch a film about a murderer especially since yours truly didn't particularly love the book?)

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Yours truly need more guts, a stronger stomach and probably more friends who wanna watch such flicks?

How about you?

Stranger than Fiction

2007-01-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

Yours truly watched “Stranger than Fiction” on Friday.

It was a great flick, despite having to cramp into a small awkward dusty smelling cinema on the 9th Floor of Cineleisure (which tells you how un-advertised the film is) and being late by 15 mins and thus, missing the start of the show (which I hate but shall forgive *Ms Evil for causing moi to miss the opening since she (a) recommended the show (b) bought the tickets and (c) braved the traffic on a Friday night).

Yours truly liked the film, the cinematography and the narrative running through the film. It was a worthy film to watch, not always the case in many films. To be honest, yours truly hasn’t seen that many films lately that grab my imagination so well. Imagine if one is the *poor writer who kills off your character at the end, writing “Beautiful Tragedies” and then, you find out that what you write is actually real. Imagine the guilt and the horror of knowing that you have killed off, not one fictitious character, but many fictitious characters, and they are perfectly nice, decent people (otherwise, they won’t be your heroes of the fiction). In other words, you find out that you are a MURDERER and yet, and yet, you didn’t know. Is that an excuse for killing? More importantly, you have given the main character’s life meaning; their deaths are a masterpiece. They are immortalized forever in beautiful prose.

First and foremost, yours truly was *scandalized and *bewildered when the professor in the film told Harold Crick (the main character) that there is no way out, that he has to die. The novel is a masterpiece and only if he dies in the end, can the novel remain a masterpiece. But what is even more bewildering, is that Harold, after reading the novel, agreed with the professor. He actually went to the writer and told her that he loved the novel and there is no other way. Heck, he just agreed to die. How weird is that?

It is not that yours truly feel that one should cling onto life at all cost, but then again, why shouldn't one cling onto life? To me, life isn’t complete. Only if you are alive, can you feel, experience and change. If you put a full stop to your life, accept the narrative of your life, then how do you know whether you can do more, make more of yourself? How do you know that you can’t make life better? How do you know that your existence can't change someone else's life?

Having said all this ranting, yours truly concedes that I love reading, I like literature and on hindsight, perhaps even agree with the professor that literary masterpieces are so because there is no other way the novel/writing can end but in that beautiful moment.

However, if I was the writer, and I have the choice of a masterpiece and letting my main character live because he is real, how can I choose otherwise but to let him live? I mean, I develop a fondness for some of my writings and of all things in the world, I hope that I can claim I understand words. If a guy is my main character and he is alive, how can I kill him, even though it ruins my writing?

Perhaps as the writer (Uma Thurman) said in the film, how could she knowingly kill a person who knows his fate and goes knowingly to his fate? Isn’t such a person precisely someone worth saving? (paraphrased since I can’t remember the exact words).

Particularly, yours truly enjoyed the scenes where Harold gets a guitar and the scene where he ticks off in his notebook on whether his narrative is a tragedy or a comedy.

Anyway, in gist, a film to watch.

At least yours truly feels so.

:::

On other news, yours truly watched the film with *Ms Evil, her boyboy aka *XB and *doormat. Yours truly could of course, describe *XB and my perception of him. But heck, *Ms Evil reads this blog and apparently, not only are there no secrets among her friends, there aren’t any from the boyfriend. So what I say, will very likely be repeated to *XB so let’s skip this. *grin*

For nosey readers who happen to be my close friends, ask me. And I might just tell you. *laconic*

On an additional note, yours truly went to *Starry’s place for dinner with *Candid and *Starry’s friend aka *Fongky. Anyway, it was a pleasant dinner despite the very cold war going on with *Starry and current *housemate. Btw, did you know that East Malaysian men are rich and very gallant? *arched brows*

In any case, *Fongky summed it up very nicely: “I would like an East Malaysian bf but not an East Malaysian son”. *laugh*

2007

2007-01-11T21:41:00.000+08:00

2007 sneaked in
January flying by
Woe be me
That age is catching up

Woe be me
That time is losing out

Alas.
~ yours truly

Yours truly wish she has better or more fun reasons for having not blogged for a year, but alas, other than a really great Christmas party, a comfy relaxing trip to *candid's hometown for the new year and a happy bday celebration at Sentosa last weekend for *candid (photos might conceivably be ideal. But alas, *photographer-wannabe eccentric's PC is down....), there has't been much to report.

Well, I suppose nosey readers (yes, you!) might like to know that *candid is going to move in with *starry, but then again, that's their news, so yours truly shall skip the details, except to predict lotsa great meals at their place, sleepovers and such. In the spirit of reporting irrelevant news, let me also inform thee that 2, not one but two of yours truly's clique are going to get hitched this year. Tragic, that alone tells yours truly that age has and is indeed catching up.

On happier news, yours truly might potentially be able to go to europe with *starry and her gallant in May, subject to yours truly's boss' approval and of cos, that my only other colleague doesn't decide to go on her honeymoon in May. Let's keep fingers crossed.

Yours truly can report more news about my frens, such as the *mushiness of ....., *the life changing-I-wanna-break-scholarship-bond of....., *the breakup fiasco of ....., *depression of....., *happiness of schooling of ....., *possibly office gossip with tinge of elitism at work...., but what the heck. Yours truly dun feel up to it. Fill in the blanks yourself. Or better yet, challenge your imagination .The reality is probably not as fun as what you can imagine.

Such a mundane blog. Such utter banality. tsk tsk. *hang head*

Yours truly should get a life? Yes?

Do you need one too?

Sheer

Ipoh

2006-12-28T02:26:00.000+08:00

"travel, travel, travel"

Yours truly is AWAY for the weekend to Ipoh. Actually, before the weekend since yours truly is leaving tomorrow or rather, tonight. *Peace, *Doormat, *Snappish & yours truly are going to visit *candid in Ipoh. It is actually a pseudo-pampering-female only-trip. In other words, we are going to all go to the hair salon & do our hair and do other pampering activities like road trip, seafood indulging, BBQ, etc, etc.

Am somewhat looking forward to it. =)

Speaking of travelling to Malaysia, *Starry's gallant actually sms-ed to wish moi a happy new year. Am surprised but pleasantly so. What is noteworthy is that he actually said maybe we will bum into each other in Malaysia. *arched brows* when we don't even accidentially see each other in tiny red dot? what a tall order. *whistles*

In any case, here's my thoughts for the new year: if you aren't happy with 2006, well, 2007 isn't likely to get any better, but we can all pretend that it will be. Happy New Year.

In other news, *Eccentric has invited yours truly to go *backpack to Russia in 2007 on the *mistaken assumption that eastern europe is more affordable than western europe....*doubtful look*. In any case, yours truly would love to go along, provided that yours truly doesn't go to Europe with *Starry, her gallant and her fren. Yours truly will be delighted to go Europe with either group, so long as someone is doing the planning, I'm just going along for the ride. Since there is a possibility that *Starry is going to have a career switch, the May trip might be off the cards, so to speak. Well, moi will be happy if *starry does manage to secure her dream job, so its ok to trade off Europe in May.

Having said that, it would be nice to go visit Europe in any case. Oh well. *shrug* We will see.

Ok. Yours truly should rest to go indulge, pamper and have fun in Ipoh.

Envious?

*grin*

See ya in 2007!

=) Sheer

Christmas 2006

2006-12-25T15:59:00.000+08:00

Happy Holidays, dear readers.

Your truly had a wonderful Christmas' eve at *Candid's sister's condo. Truly, the food was wonderful, the company was great, the films were acceptable ("Miracle on 34th Street" & "Something Gotta Give" - good looking lead men!)

Here's the menu:
1. Appeitiser: Mango Salad with red/yellow peppers, carrots, cucumber & fresh lemon dressing served with cocktail drink
2. Starter: tomato in potato jacket with fried shrimps & mushroom with baked mashed pumpkin & grilled eggplant
3. Main Course: Black pepper roast beef with thick gravy and mashed potato with pumpkin
4. Dessert: egg nog & baked cinnamon apples with full cream

Pure Utter bliss.

Great ambience, close friends, fantastic food.

What more can one ask for?

:::

No experience is ever truly wasted
We all learn and grow
But differs only in extent
~ Moi

Christmas might perhaps seem to be a strange time for reflections. But truth is Christmas means more to yours truly than new year, if only because yours truly usually have a christmas gathering with friends. So every christmas gathering, it is like a ballpark point for reflection. After all, at the very least, yours trul y can look back to the year and also compare the previous christmas party.

2006 is a relatively landmark year. Not only has yours truly given her first ever resignation letter, yours truly has embarked on a new career and is seriously planning her future graduate school education. In terms of family, yours truly has constantly been reminded of how lucky moi is for having supportive parents. In terms of friends, yours truly is fortunate to have my exclusive clique even though some might have driften away, yours truly's core clique remains and has indeed expanded to include *Candid. Also, yours truly has grown closer to *starry, and also gets along with her *gallant, which is all-round-good news.

So when yours truly look back, I have to concede that dear evilness has indeed been good to moi this year. Even though sometimes, it seems *dumb to have wasted 2 years with yours truly's previous company but I firmly believe that no experience is truly wasted. Everything happens for a reason, and having gone through the experience, that experience will only become the fertilizer of moi's future growth. Yes, I might make different choices if I get to choose again. But life is not like that . There is no NGs or RETAKES.

So learn from experiences, no matter good or bad, it will only and can only add depth and nuances to one's character.

People who believe in that will definitely be happier, if not also stronger.

I firmly believe and live on that belief.

Do you?

Sheer

Ramblings

2006-12-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

The Uncertainty of the Poet
~ Wendy Cope

I am a poet.
I am very fond of bananas.

I am bananas.
I am very fond of a poet.

I am a poet of bananas.
I am very fond.

A fond poet of 'I am, I am'-
Very bananas.

Fond of 'Am I bananas?
Am I?'-a very poet.

Bananas of a poet!
Am I fond? Am I very?

Poet bananas! I am.
I am fond of a 'very'.

I am of very fond bananas.
Am I a poet?

:::

The past few weeks have been, for lack of a better word, complex. Not complex good or bad. Just complex. Yours truly have been feeling a bitsy out of sorts. Not that anyone could tell. Many different stuff are happening with yours truly's various frens/acquaintances/colleagues, etc. Am not sure where to start, how to start and whether yours truly even want to start relating.

In any case, lately, the theme is "everyone should have a raison d'etre. What's yours?".

*Wallflower seems to be obsessing about hers. Well, raison d'etre is something that only you can find for yourself I suppose. But if you want to discuss existentialism, I'll be glad to. *grin*

Yours truly been doing some ~~self~~ reflection. Or more to the point, the reflections sorta came on with a wham rather than dawn on slowly. Not that its really important, or in any case, not something that yours truly wanna blog about. *dryly*

Sufficient to say, yours truly is somewhat amused to discover how positively calm and rational I can be - any more so, and *Candid claims that yours truly will be cold-blooded. Honestly, it is really in relative terms. After all, it is really because some people are always on an emotional rollar coaster that yours truly is really by contrast, calm?

But in any case, if yours truly is looking for a significant other, rest asssured that HE can only be more calm and rational than moi. Otherwise, yours truly would cringe to think of the amount of stomping around he would have to do. Imagine us having a fight, and being unusually cool-headed, yours truly has minimal reaction. He demands to know if yours truly was paying attention and yours truly says "of cos, want me to repeat what you just said?". Dear evilness. Wow. Can you imagine that poor guy's reaction? *arched brows* I rest my case.

Yours truly's HIM can only be calmer and more rational. Yours truly is not equipped or more to the point, refuse to handle some emotional guy stomping around. Too exhausting. Yikes. So if someone wants to apply or help someone else applies, please don't bother unless you guarantee the above stomping will not occur. *roll eyes*.

Hmm...though it is alright that my frens are emotional. I don't mind. I can handle them......hmm...even though sometimes, even I get tired from just merely watching their emotions rolling. So if even I find it exhausting, how much more draining for them? *arched my brows*

So perhaps, it is unfortunate that yours truly's sexual orientation is completely straight as yours truly would probably make some girl a perfect boyfriend or should yours truly say that it is unfortunate that yours truly isn't a guy? *pause in thought* Oh well. *shrug*

Not that yours truly wants my gender or orientation any other way. *grin*

:::

PS: Someone has been really disturbed (or freaked out more likely) by Mrs Craddock by Somerset Maugham. Said someone is actually worried that someone's someone is too like Mr Craddock. *shake head* It's just a book, really. :p

Work's been fine. Yours truly been enjoying herself so far. Or at least, I like the nature and the job scope of my current job. So far. =)

In other news, yours truly had a great Sunday with *starry and her gallant knight. *Candid might be moving in with *starry, so we dropped by for lunch and a chat, which dragged or lasted all the way till late at night. In other words, they clicked. So yes, if all things go well, yours truly foresees staying over more often at *starry/*candid in the year ahead.

Oh yeah, THANKS FOR A GREAT LUNCH! No one died of *bad cooking. *grin*

Besides, *Starry pulled out all stops and had nice table setting. For that, yours truly might conceivably put up with not-so-good cooking.

Or not.

Fortunately, yours truly's conviction on aesthetics over taste buds was not put to test.

:::

Believing in Fate
~ Hal Sirowitz

I don't have a telephone, she said,
so I can't give you a number.
I'm not a great fan of planned dates.
But if I happen to bump into you
on the street I'd be willing to go for coffee.
Let's leave it to chance. It brought
us together once. It could work a second time.
You could help fate along by hanging out
in Chelsea. That's where I live.
If I gave you any more information
I'd be cheating.

(via Writer’s Almanac)

:::

Monday morning again.

But today started off a little maudlin and mushy cos *witchy sent moi a somewhat mushy sms. Oh well. That's *witchy. She seems to be somewhat having a rather complex problem at the moment. Complex, such a convenient word. *deadpan* In any case, everything will be fine. That yours truly have no doubts. *wink*

Am looking forward to Christmas. An authentic xmas dinner prepared by *Candid. How nice especially since yours truly just have to turn up to have fun and eat. Yours truly would have written to Mr Man-In-Red - who by the way, yours truly have doubts about Mr HoHoHo's sexual identity. Either he is a she or he is one "guy really in touch with his feminine side" (to borrow the phrase from *Starry's Gallant) - but yours truly sense of fair play and all came in play and I didn't. After all, 2006 was a year that yours truly felt (a) she hasn't been good and (b) she has been given plenty to be grateful for and so (c) she shldn't be greedy and ask for more?

Or perhaps, yours truly is just lazy to write.

Ah well. Christmas is just round the corner, so it's a little late to worry about writting to Mr/Ms HoHoHo (gender unknown).

So if I don't happen to see you before Christmas & New Year, which is probably the case seeing that yours truly will be visiting *Candid's home in Ipoh for the new year, here's yours truly's good wishes.

So what if moi is too cheap to get a card?

Sue me.

In my defense, yours truly doesn't like giving cards, unless I have the urge to make cards, which again, is another of those activity/mood that comes around once a blue blue blue moon. *shrug*

Merry Christmas. Have a fantastically evil year ahead!

Your evilness.
Sheer

Words

2006-12-05T20:02:00.000+08:00

Words

You say
Thank you

You say
Sorry

For loving you
For making me love
You

You say
Thank you
Without considering

You say
Sorry
Without thinking

Words to you
Are mere
Sounds from
Your mouth

Words to you
Means nothing
Once spoken
Are forgotten

But not
To me

I do not
Forget

I do not

Shall not

Forget

So
Say what you mean
To me

Or say nothing
At all

Preferably
The latter

Since the former
Is beyond all men

At least it is
Definitely

Beyond you.

Kel. 5 December 2006

Everything's Greener on the other side

2006-11-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

Stick Boy's Festive Season

Stick Boy noticed that his Christmas tree looked healthier than he did.

~ Tim Burton, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy

:::

One is never contended or more to the point, the grass always looks greener from the other side. Simple unchangeable fact in life. What is changeable are (a) whether you give in to the temptation to go to the other side, (b) stay put but continue to look longingly at the other side, (c) convinue thyself that your side is better and (d) is really on the greener side already. In other words frens, every now and then temptation comes along, but it doesn't necessarily follow that the other side is really greener...even though from one's perception, it just seems so.

With that opening, let's announce a few facts:

1. *Doormat has RESIGNED! (pause for gasp of breath). After working merely 1 month plus, she is going to jump ship. In other news, she has accepted the position of assistant curator for the Singapore Zoo (which btw, is unionised, in case you are interested, which yours truly doubts but hey, it is always good to gain knowledge. *deadpan*). Yours truly feels that it is certainly a more appropriate ~~job~~career for *doormat. No wishy-washy. She was so resolute, she accepted the job offer on the spot! Way to go!

2. *Eccentric seems to be bitten by the resignation bug too and has been thinking and waiting ~~desperately~~ anxiously for the call of a production company that specializes in documentary for Discovery Channel *gasp*. Dare yours truly suggest that someone should take the initative and if offered, to seriously decide to job hop again? As of now, yours truly offers no advice. Ask me again if and when the offer really comes. But then again, if the offer really comes, yours truly would hazard that *eccentric would decide without any inputs necessary from moi, after all, if she is excited enough to CALL me immediately after the interview....that says so much already, doesn't it? *laconic*

To *Doormat & *Eccentric, please don't attempt to pretend to be rational, after all, yours truly is sure that when the opportunity or more to the point, when the offer comes, all the previous tedious rationisation was completely useless.

3. Apparently, most people (all readers of this blog who calls themselves my friends are exempted from this) feels more than they do & have more complex feelings but because they lack a vocabulary, they are left with mere polar descriptions such as "cute" or "hot" - the gospel according to *eccentric. *roll eyes* Such tragedy.

4. *Starry is "eye-ing" yours truly's job enviously merely because she works really late really frequently. Ah. Another case of grass being greener syndrome, but really, yours truly has just completed my workplans for 2007 and trust me, the number of major projects that yours truly is put in charge of, including putting together the Corporate Governance for the whole group and the group branding, etc, yours truly doubts that envy caused merely by my normal working hours is sustainable in the long run. *wryly*

In other un-related news, apparently yours truly inherited intutition from mom. Yours truly was certain the moment I saw my *future sister-in-law that she was my bro's gf, and guess what, yours truly wasn't the only one. Momsy speculated to Dad too. *grin* Someone should teach yours truly's bro the art of discretion. *shake head* tsk tsk.

Oh yah, have mentioned the possible backpacking trip to Europe to mom and surprisingly, she is quite supportive. Or perhaps, not so surprising, since as yours truly has always known, I am one spoilt brat with very supportive parents. In fact, my colleague speculated that I must be an ONLY child or the youngest because I seem very carefree. Right. That means, translated aka spoilt brat.

Roger. I know. I am. Indeed.

And proud of it.

Won't you want to be too?

I dare you to say no.

Bratty Sheer

Eye Candy or lack thereof

2006-11-21T17:14:00.000+08:00

"Life isn't weird: it's just the people in it."

This is not a work related post.

This is a frivolous post in response to yours truly's friends who have been asking about eye candy(ies) or lack thereof.

Yours truly is sad to report that as of now, there has been no eye candy to ogle at work.

And for those of yours truly's friends who are overly nosey about yours truly's social life or more specifically, about potential possibilities at work. Unfortunately, the answer is still negative.

Yours truly have met several nice earnest chaps but that's about it. Quite mild and bland guys. And knowing yours truly, can you imagine moi with mild and bland guy? *cringe* But yours truly have also met several interesting attractive girls. Alas, yours truly's orientation is unfortunately within social convention.

But if you are interested, yours truly can relate an amusing anecdote from a seminar yours truly attended yesterday.

Skip this entirely if you don't happen to be one of yours truly's nosey friends.

:::

Yours truly met someone from a particular ministry. As we were exchanging name cards, he informed yours truly that he is expecting major changes in a few months and will keep yours truly informed.

??!! (yours truly's immediate train of thought)

Er…why keep me informed? Yours truly's colleague threw me an equally bewildered look.

And so yours truly asked why keep us informed unless….*pause* unless logically, you are going to be seconded to my organization?

Said guy nods and gives more details.

(pause for your reaction)

Disappointed, aren't you? *roll eyes*

Yes, nothing more interesting or scandalous to relate. *grin*

He was probably just trying to get to know a few people from yours truly's organization before he gets seconded over.

But in any case, yours truly and colleague had a moment of mental connection in bewilderment. *grin*

:::

Another irrelevant fact from yesterday:

Two acquaintances separately complimented yours truly on looking "hot". Both were of the female gender in case you are wondering, as I am sure you were. Yours truly is flattered by the compliment, but puzzled too.

Hot does not connotes official work attire to moi. Yours truly certainly won't classify myself as being remotely on the "sexy" index. Stylish, maybe. Groomed, hopefully. But hot? *pause in puzzlement*

And before you ask, yours truly was dressed in a black wool long sleeved turtleneck with a knee-length black pencil skirt and white belt with strappy stilettos. (Oh yah, I was wearing a nice striking necklace that *eccentric gave me). What's hot about that? Or have I lost touch with the current conception of hot? *arched my brows*

In any case, it is always nice to receive compliments. *shrug*

Europe

2006-11-19T12:39:00.000+08:00

"Travel feeds the soul, or probably we just need an excuse to go"
~ Me

Evil. Yours truly's brother has returned from his EUROPE backpacking trip and caused yours truly to turn green with envy (note to self: green is not a flattering color for skin) after seeing his photos. All 2,100 of them, excluding 1,800 from his fellow travellers....*whistles*

The 2 or possibly 3 positive things from his trip are:

1. my new smart double breast buttons coat with shoulder buckles (and a perfect fit! yours truly is impressed);

2. my new earth tone shades of color cashmew shawl; and

3. my new sister-in-law (no, yours truly's brother didn't get married on a whim in Europe, but he did get attached and came back as part of a couple with his travel mate.)

While yours truly have quite a nice positive vibe about said sister-in-law but really, its 1 & 2 that has me glad that he's back. *deadpan*

As a result of evil brother's backpacking trip, yours truly is now dying to go to Europe. Sigh. Think of the money. Sigh.

In other news, *Starry is planning an Europe backpacking trip with her *gallant and has invited yours truly along. Yours truly has initally turned them down, since yours truly is not inclinded to be a third wheel, but now that (a) yours truly's evil brother just came back, causing yours truly to really want to go Europe and (b) *starry already has a 3rd person going, so if yours truly go, she won't be going with a couple and so (c) Europe trip is now in the works.

Yours truly will leave the majority of the trip planning to *Starry & her knight and if the ititernary fits yours truly, given that money and timing is not a problem, then yours truly will probably go along.

Hopefully.

Afterall, it is tough to find companions for an Europe backpacking trip.

But on the other hand, yours truly is hestiant about whether *Starry & her knight & friend constitutes frugal backpackers since knowing them, hmm....should I say they are used to certain *luxuries in life? Or at least, *Gallant seems to be and from what I understand....the friend as well. *whistles*

Ah well. We shall see. Let's leave the budget control to *Starry. Presumably she would be able to keep the 2 of them in check. *grin*

Europe aspirant Sheer

New Blog

2006-11-17T15:38:00.000+08:00

"I don't want to work for a living. I want to live" ~ Oscar Wilde

Yours truly has an alterego. Or more specifically, yours truly has a blog that serves as working life ranting.

You are spared the agony of reading about working life quirks @ this space. Be grateful.

Sheer

Revisiting Emails

2006-11-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. "
~ Oscar Wilde

Yours truly was re-reading her emails from the past few years, specifically those of thesis agony days and came to the following conclusions:

1. that we have all (yes, yours truly included!) left incriminating evidence in writing. *grimace*

2. *Snappish writes her best emails when she is (a) overworked & on adrenaline rush, (b) stressed and in denial, needing an excuse not to work resulting in (c) an outburst (more like verbal vomit) of words.

3. *Witchy writes very kinetic & animated emails that is really awashed with mushiness

4. *Private actually wrote some somewhat *mushy & *emotional emails. shame on you! *giggle*

5. *Eccentric is a *terrible email corresponder & she rarely writes long emails. To quote *Witchy: "where is my mi mi? (looks ard forlornly)".

6. *Ms Evil writes *amusing emails that are pure exaggerations with superlatives & hyperbole like her *giggle*

and

7. Sadly, we seem to be writing less and less entertainingly long emails *hang head ala *witchy's style*

which leads yours truly to wonder whether we are all - horrors of horrors! - becoming (a) less interesting (b) more busy (c) too grown up or (d) drifting apart?

This could get depressing.

It is already tragic.

Don't you think?

Or maybe

it is just yours truly thinking too much.

Shrug.

Maybe the lesser number of emails are the result of being less in need to whine because we no longer have to suffer agony like thesis writing and are able to meet up with friends whenever we want instead of being *chained to desk and computer typing frantically ala *snappish as deadline looms?

Maybe.

Let's hope so.

Shrug.

Or maybe, just maybe, we just have more entertaining illicit msn conversations during office hours...like today, yours truly had a really *amusing 3 way conversation with *Ms Evil & *Wallflower. They are really quite *weird but at least our sense of humor aligns quite well....at least it did today...no guarantees on other days....*grin* and even though *Ms Evil insists she is *normal, (if she is *normal, wat shld the poor conventional souls call themselves? extreme super normal?) but yours truly insists that she can't be. Really. *solemn look*

Besides, all my friends are weird.

You didn't think you were even remotely normal, did you? *archly* Oh dear. Didn't realise you were delusional. *shake head in sympathy*

But if it makes you feel better, *Wallflower says "normal is the average of deviance" but really, yours truly thinks that normalcy is more the lack of deviation from the average than the average of deviance.

But heck, what do I care?

It is my prerogative to call you weird.

Normalcy is really, in the eyes of the beholder. *deadpan*

Gotcha there, haven't I? *arched my brows*

Sheer

Nobody's Perfect

2006-11-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everybody else.
~ Henri Matisse

People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy.
~ William Faulkner

no matter who we are, where we're going, or where we've been, we all struggle. everyone has battles. everyone, at one time or another, faces the every moment, to day, to year, trials of existence. such is life. sometimes simple. sometimes complicated. when we wake up with challenges, we wake up with choices. to either overcome all that holds us down by going against what opposes us - or to continue sitting quietly in the foul stench of our own shit, while at the same time surendering ourselves to fear and failure. life shifts, spins, and relocates. as we do. we all have the ability to switch our fear of failure into an energy to overcome any trial. just as sure as we all have a spine.
~ Hot Water Music

:::

To a *good friend

Yours truly would like to believe that she is (a) not a vegetable and (b) has a spine and (c) that you are subjected to (a) and (b) above as well. In other words, no one's perfect. Hey, everyone's born deficient in some areas (although arguably some more than others) but let's not argue about anomalies here. What's a small setback or even a few tiny setbacks along the way? We all live and learn. Besides, it is self-defeating and delusional to imagine that your friends would necessary do better in the same situation. Of course, being friends, they shld thank you for your confidence in them, assuming and provided that the confidence is not an excuse to wallow in self pity.

So get a grip on yourself. Move. You either swim or you drown. And as yours truly's self-proclaimed *good friend or more so, because you have self-proclaimed yourself as so, you are only allowed to SWIM. *deadpan*

No other way.

Enough said. *dryly*

Sheer

Phenomenal Woman

2006-10-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

~ Maya Angelou

:::

I like.

Never settle for less

2006-10-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

An Argument

I've oft been told by learned friars,
That wishing and the crime are one,
And Heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.

If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our heart's content;
Come, then, at least we may enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment!

~ Thomas Moore

******

Yesterday marked yours truly's parents anniversary and they went to Bangkok for their celebration, returning yesterday. Guess who's been "asked" to drive to pick them up at the airport? *deadpan*

Nothing else very much significant, other than the new Toyota WISH 7 seater MPV that yours truly's dad bought for mom. *whistles*

As a testimony of yours truly's parents as a splendid couple, they went and purchased the same *sports bag of the same design of the same brand at different department stores separately for yours truly. Holy. Either yours truly is really really specific in taste or they are one compatible couple. And since your evilness is well aware that I am not remotely easy to predict in terms of taste, as all yours truly's clique will testify, especially since they have an headache trying to buy moi's bday presents every year (and resorting to CASH this year), yours truly assumed that it's the latter.

Should I be envious? Is it too much to ask for if yours truly won't settle for anything less than what my parents had?

But won't you want the same?

Why would anyone settle for anything less?

Oh wait.

Lotsa couples do.

Settle for less, I mean.

Is companionship really worth so much, enough to settle for less? I think not.

But then again, yours truly is comfortable in my own skin and happy. So maybe I have no grounds to judge. But then again, its not tat yours truly is against the idea of finding someone special, its just that I refuse to settle for anything less. So that actually should qualify moi to judge more than it disqualifies me?

Are you lost? Shrug. Not that yours truly care. After all, you must be truly bored to even read this. Besides, who are you to demand rationality from moi?

In gist, my worldview says one should wish for more while tempered by reality, but never never settle for less, reality nonewithstanding. Its a fine line of distinction but there is a line.

If only there were more people who believes and behaves like that.

Alas.

Sheer

Kingdomality Test

2006-10-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

The Kingdomality Test:

"Many years ago there was a period of time that is often casually called "Medieval." It was a time, so the story tellers tell us, of tiny kingdoms, brave knights and ferocious dragons.

Transportation and travel were both crude and difficult, usually necessitating that each kingdom be as self sufficient and self reliant as possible. So it was very important that within each kingdom all the major crafts and professions of the day were ably represented to insure the survival of the kingdom. In the English language we still see remnants of some occupations in the familiar surnames such as Carpenter, Miller and Baker.

Interestingly enough, beyond the specific title the vocation also took on its own greater personality. This personality preference can also give a broader understanding of the basic complementary style and types necessary to the kingdom's survival, or perhaps any organization's success. Although the specific vocation influenced the name, it was no accident that certain personality types and styles gravitated to certain occupations. The personality of these jobs suited the inclinations of the job holders, and the predecessor to modern day job descriptions was born. The successful matching of a job-holder's personality to the personality and unique requirements of the job was necessary to the kingdom's survival, or perhaps any organization's success. The successful kingdoms more than likely were able to blend the differences into a powerful and formidable entity. With today's diverse workforce, the corporate kingdom that acknowledges and nurtures these personality preferences could become an organization as successful as the Camelot of old.

Even though we now appear to have the freedom to explore many different career alternatives, we still have a medieval vocational personality within each of us. This personality, properly identified and understood, can motivate our success but, if ignored, may set the stage for our ultimate failure. Since times appeared to be simpler then, let us return to the kingdoms of medieval Europe and see what we would have done then, regardless of what our names are now."

Yours Truly...

"Your distinct personality, The Prime Minister might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are a strategist who pursues the most efficient and logical path toward the realization of the goal that you perceive or visualize. You will often only associate with those people who can assist you in the implementation of your plan. Inept assistants may be immediately discarded as excess baggage. To do otherwise could be seen as inefficient and illogical. On the positive side, you can be rationally idealistic and analytically ideological. You can be a bold decision maker and risk taker who can move society ahead by years instead of minutes. On the negative side, you may be unmerciful, impatient, impetuous and impulsive. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms."

Try the test

Sheer

Snapshots

2006-10-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

For *Starry

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Splendid party, but really, yours truly have to point out that 2 girls with 6 boxes of stuff including alcohol to carry to Sentosa & down stairs is beyond ridiculous.

You really need more acquaintances, specifically, male students, not to borrow from, but to impose on.

Alas, yours truly happens to be more than your mere acquaintance. *deadpan*

:::

For *doormat

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind, and you're hampered by not having any, the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find, is simply by spinning a penny. No - not so that chance shall decide the affair while you're passively standing there moping; but the moment the penny is up in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping.
~ Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

Only if you are really really desperate. *laconically*

:::

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.
~ Oscar Wilde

Tomorrow marks another perfectly uninteresting event - yours truly's first day at work.

But hey, it's my blog, so I'm entitled to mar it by marking such an uninteresting fact. *arched my brows*

Won't you agree?

Like I care.

grin.

Sheer

Moody

2006-10-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

moody

sheer

Don't take for granted

2006-10-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

Taking for Granted

Should I reflect?
Is it my fault?
Am I doing too much?
So much
So naturally
That you no longer notice
That you take me for granted

Perhaps I should reflect
Perhaps it is my fault
Perhaps I am doing too much
So much
So naturally
That you just accept as your right
That you forget that it is not so

I think I know
It is my fault
I am doing too much
So much of what I do
So very naturally
Is just being taken
For granted

You take me for granted
Am I being too nice
Am I being too amendable
Just because I am capable
Does not mean
You can take me for granted

Remember that
Just because I do
Everything
So much
So naturally
It is not your right to expect
It is not your right to take for granted

I owe you nothing
Just because I can
Just because I am capable
Just because I am me
It does not mean
You can take me for granted

You have no right
To take me for granted

Bear in mind
That I do what I do because
I can
Because I want to

Yes I can
Yes I am able to

But

Bear in mind
That I can

Stop

If I want to

And I will

If you carry on
To take me for granted

Because

Really

You have no right

To take me for granted.

~ Kel. 2 October 2006

Ramblings

2006-09-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

Man is only a reed, the weakest in nature; but he is a thinking reed. There is no need for the whole universe to take up arms to crush him; a vapor, a drop of water is enough to kill him. But even if the universe were to crush him, man would still be nobler than his slayer, because he knows that he is dying and the advantage the universe has over him. The universe knows nothing of this.
~ Blaise Pascal

Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.
~ Jean-Paul Satre

***

Yours truly is in a queer frame of mind. Too much going on for the past week and somehow, I seem to be missing some "me" time. Ironic, really, for a person who has yet to start work.

*Peace is going through a bad patch, or rather, a worser patch. Her father has recently passed away. Yours truly is truly sorry for the death of her father, although at least he went in peace and is no longer suffering. Amazing, how someone can be here today and gone the next. *grimace* But I suppose, death comes to everyone and life is really fleeting and transient in nature.

Unfortunately, the timing of his death couldn't have been worse, not that there is a good time for a death, but surely, as *peace's circumstances show, there is such a thing as a really bad time, or some would say, bad karma. *solemnly* In any case, yours truly is sure *peace will pull through. Her group of supportive friends and her inner core strength will definitely help. As *Wallflower says, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

:::

Met up with *Wallflower and *J today. Haven't seen *J in ages, years really. Anyway, had a comfortable lunch with them. Talked abt nothing in particular, but interestingly, we had a topic that is recurrent of a conversation yours truly had with *doormat on supporting one's parents. I am glad to report all of us feel that it is only right for us to support our parents, correct myself, we don't even have to discuss it, the underlying premises of our conversation is based on that fact. Anyway, seems like both *J's and *doormat's parents are planning to retire. So pretty heavy burden for both of them, especially since they are still looking for a job.

Guess it is more of a reality check, yours truly must also start to plan or at least put aside some funds for my parents, not that they would expect me to support them. Heck, they will probably be very amused at my audacity to even imagine that I can support them. But as I told *doormat, any amount that one can provide to one's parents will be appreciated even if it is insubstantial or insufficient to support them, provided that one's parents are self-sufficient and financially independent.

Another recurrent topic was the big Q "what do you wanna do with your life". *Wallflower was bemoaning the fact that she is clueless about what she wants to do. Frankly, there is nothing at all wrong with temping or part-timing your whole life, so long as its what you want. Of course, there is a trade-off, a part time job doesn't pay that well and has no benefits. But hey, you get the spare time to do what you want. It's a matter of weighing what you really want or value in life, I suppose, unless you have dependents. If you have to support your parents, let's be sensible here, you can't afford to work at something that you really love but pays you peanuts. So its down to weighing one's priorities and responsibilities in life.

Such is life, I suppose.

According to *J, it's either get yourself a career or find a rich hubby and be a tai-tai. No prize for guessing which is yours truly's preferred choice. *arched my brows*

:::

On other news, went to INSEAD's MBA talk with *eccentric today. Am glad to report that the school gave me a fairly good vibe. Will seriously consider applying for it in say, 5 years time. The cost of the MBA is horrifying. There is no way yours truly can afford the MBA without taking a loan or getting a scholarship. But at the very least, I should save up enough funds for my living expenses.

Money, money, money. *grimace*

But at least it looks like a good school to go, assuming I can get in, of cos. *grin*

Ok. It's a few hours to the TREASURE HUNT. Bad timing for *Peace, but we are still going ahead. After pre-planning for almost a month, there is no way yours truly will change the date. *ruefully*

Now I just have to decide what BLACK attire I shld wear.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. *deadpan*

Evil me

How Dare You

2006-09-20T02:23:00.000+08:00

How Dare You

You say
Things should be orderly
Like the way roads
Should be straight

You say
People should be impartial
Like the center of
The world

You say
The world should be dependable
Like the unyielding
North Pole

You say
You are moderate
In the way you behave
Towards everyone

You say
One can be perfectly neutral
In the way you believe
You are

But dear,
Haven't you heard
That no one is perfect?

But dear,
Haven't you heard
That no one is truly neutral?

Our hearts are never
In perfect symmetry
In perfect balance

Towards everyone
And everything

My dear,
The roads can perhaps
Be straight

But not so the heart

Not so
the heart that is a map
Of twists and turns

Not so
the human whose heart
cannot help
but judge

Not so
My heart
That judges
In your favor

How dare you
Claim to be
Impartial
And neutral

How dare you
Forget that
You aren't

Not in regards
To me

You aren't

You won't
Dare.

Kel. 20 September 2006

Disclaimer: Yours truly must apologise to *Wallflower if any sentences above happen to be similar to any of her scribblings. Suddenly in the mood to scribble something on the myth of being able to be neutral and impartial. I seem to recall that I have read something of *Wallflower that has something on the heart being full of twists and turns but can't recall exactly what it was. So if I happen to use the exact phrasing (gasp! I hope not but drat, you never know with my brain being able to remember stuff I read ages before), let me know and I'll modify my scribblings above.

It takes two

2006-09-18T14:04:00.000+08:00

"It takes two to tango"

~

Today, yours truly received (or was one of the receipent of) a *mushy and *forlorn email from *witchy asking for a show of friendship by sms-ing her "mushy msg and lovey words promising nevery dying devotion and adoration" for her birthday. *grimace*

Oh please. *roll my eyes* Can anyone remotely imagine yours truly sending such a message? If yes, you have one great imagination. *dryly*

Fortunately, most of my very few friends are not that delusional. So too bad to *witchy, but NO, sorry, you won't be getting beyond a simple sms wishing you happy birthday. *shrug*

(Fyi, yours truly's clique has 3 birthday gals in September and we have an exciting Treasure Hunt planned)

***

Anyway, yours truly will be starting work in October, after 2 months and 2 weeks of slacking. To be honest, I am actually looking forward to starting work. *whispers*

Pause for gasp of surprise

Yes, how dare I insult the eternal fraternity of slack-dom by admitting that I actually like working. I suppose yours truly have never understood the supposed joys of an idle life. After about 2 months, I am getting or in fact, am bored. Alas. I have to concede that yours truly is unequipped to be a natural slacker and bum. Sorry to brotherhood/sisterhood of slackers and bums. I am probably destined to be a workaholic.

While it is very beneficial to take a break, but yours truly needs to have something to focus on and to do. That plus a career is important to me. So maybe it is just as well that I start soon. *ruefully*

In other news, yours truly is thinking about taking ballroom dancing. Obviously, yours truly would need to find a partner. *sigh*

*Candid says that if she is staying put in little-old-boring-Singapore, she would join me. More importantly, she said she would scout around for a partner. I was semi-thinking about just signing up and partnering any odd guy in the class, but *candid says, no way. She doesn't wanna be part up with some *strange guy. *grin*

*Starry said the same. She says it's better to have a permanent partner, just so that one have someone to practise with if so inclined.

Fine. Point taken. Yours truly will attempt to find a partner or at least ask around. *sigh*

I didn't realise that more preparation beyond finding the dance school, scheduling, getting shoes and paying school fees are required to learn waltz and tango. *deadpan*

Oh well. Yours truly has always been quite taken with the waltz and the tango. Such seductive and beautiful dances. So perhaps the search for a dance partner would be worth it? *grin*

Everyone deserves to learn ballroom dancing at least once in their lifetime if so inclined, won't you agree?

Your evilness

My meditation

2006-09-14T17:55:00.000+08:00

Reflection

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part

Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time

When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

~ Artiste: Christina Aguilera

:::

If you were stuck in a dark room where you cannot move and the room gets hotter and hotter for 30 mins. What would you do? Would you panic? Freak out? Get claustrophobic? Or focus your attention on something else?

This morning in the wee hours of my meditation (not that I meditate at any other hour but wee hours ) before yours truly slip into the plane of spiritual and mental clarity, yours truly's brain was strangely persistent on the above scenario. Strangely enough or not, if you know me I suppose, is that yours truly's immediate response is that if I can read and focus on reading, I can live with the 30 mins of heat and no movement. Unfortunately, if you cannot move, you obviously cannot be reading. So my answer is, that yours truly would focus on recalling lyrics to songs, not recite poetry (I probably can't remember that many anyway) or make up stories, yours truly would focus or concentrate on words. I suppose this tells me that (a) words are important to me and (b) that I can deal with pain, fear and what not, so long as I can divert my attention or focus on something else. How typical. *deadpan*

Anyway, back to my meditation - disclaimer: yours truly doesn't meditate regularly and to be honest, I have no training in any school of meditation whatsoever and when I say meditation, I use the term loosely to describe the inner mental reach towards a calmness in an absence of emotions, a certain sense of clarity and serenity I suppose. In any case, this is just something that I do sometimes. As usual, yours truly was going through my life, you know, the usual questions of who, what and how I wanna go on. Then, I conclude or more like realise, that I like who I have become and who I am. Obviously, yours truly has always been comfortable in her own skin, but this time, the results of my meditation is surprisingly 'wholesome', for lack of a better world. I mean, of course, I like myself and who I am, but I really like myself more or rather, the person I am growing to be.

This is sounding like an eulogy to myself, and I assure you, this was not yours truly's intention, not that I dun have the right to praise or flatter myself in my own blog any time and how ever much I want, but that this reflection is something more.

In the wee hours of this morning, yours truly took time to really reflect and look at myself and I realised that the person I am is different from the person I was. Of course, this is not physical, yours truly looks mostly the same (although I suppose I should give myself some credit, and say that perhaps with just a more developed sense of style) but inner and deeper.

I see myself now as less green. I won't flatter myself by saying that I have developed a quiet confidence or poise but that the person I am today, is just a tad more self-assured, just a tad more comfortable in my own skin and perhaps, just a tad more poised. I think I have grown up. Surpise surprise surprise.

I am or I think I am less loud and feel less need to be so. Not that I was ever deliberately loud or gregarious, just that I was more so previously than now. This is somewhat difficult to put into words, but really, essentially, I think I am just a tad more sure of who I am now and perhaps, this assurance translates to a sense of well-being and that is reflected in a quieter presentation of myself? *shrug* Yes, yours truly admits that I am probably merely off green but there is a difference and I realise, I never really took time out to see the person I have grown up to be and will hopefully continue to grow to become.

I mean if you asked me before today, yours truly would have said I was just more adult in the working sense, so my abilities were merely transferred from the school form to the working form. But this is not so, at least, I think not.

Within myself, I have grown. I don't know how this translates outwardly, but yours truly has little by little changed or matured over the years culminating in who I am today, and I don't know how or why, but thankfully, I do like the person I am today. *ruefully*

All these doesn't imply that yours truly is perfectly happy, after all, how many or can anyone claim to be so? I seriously doubt it. But my point is, and I do have a point here(!), is that these little imperfections in life, doesn't affect how I am.

I like myself. It's as simple as that.

I think if you like, and I mean truly like yourself, you will simply be happier. How can you not be?

I just find it is sad that so many people go through their lives being unhappy with themselves. They are not pretty enough or rich enough or worse, not as pretty or smart or rich as "So and So". Yes, I would like to be slimmer or prettier, as do most women, but how I look is not the defining essence of me and certainly I don't see the need to judge myself in comparison to others. After all, they are who they are, and I am who I am. Yes, comparison might be inevitable and everything is in relative terms. But my sense of self-worth is not based in comparison to someone else. I just like myself, not because I am better than someone else but because I am me.

I mean, life is really short and it seems such a waste to go through it not liking oneself. After all, you have to live with yourself your whole life, why make yourself miserable by not liking who you are or who you can be or who you simply am?

Why not be happy?

It is as simple as that.

Like yourself.

I do.

Sheer

I'm feeling jerky

2006-09-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

Yours truly is feeling like a jerk.

It happened thus:

I have accepted the job offer from NTUC to do corporate development. Immediately, the next task is to turn down MHA, which I assure you, yours truly did not handle it well. I should have damn well think about if not rehearse what I should say.

Instead, I had to just call and blurt out that I have accepted another job offer. Again, horrifying the MHA HR lady, who is very nice and who exclaimed that MHA is at the last stage of seeking approval. OMG. That means she has processed all the paperwork and she was puzzled that I wasn't aware that it was a formal offer and the department has already selected me. Sucks.

So what if they did skip the formal offer stage and assumed that I would take the job, nonetheless, it is utmostly wretched of me to turn down now at the last stage. Yes, yours truly is drowning in self-imposed guilt.

I had, of course, apologised most abjectly for the trouble I put MHA through. But still, I am feeling bad.

To top off the day, after yours truly accepted NTUC, turned down MHA, the Singapore Administrative Service, which is a MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATE PROGRAM, which on a whim, I sent my resume about a month ago, called and shortlisted yours truly for a series of tests.

It is just about the premier management associate program in town.

This could turn out bloody.

It is already messy.

grimace.

Sheer feeling shitty

Fishbowl

2006-09-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

Look out
And around
We live in a fishbowl

The world is out there
But trapped
We are
In a tiny fishbowl

Isn't it amazing
How utterly how unsuited
You and I
Are
In the fishbowl

Yet in the fishbowl
In the water
We dwell
In the water
We met

Isn't it amazing
How queer
That we
So unsuited
Chance to meet
In the fishbowl

Trapped
Yet we met
So in the trap

Should there be
Gratitude for the
The knowing
The ties

Or hatred
Or disdain

For the fishbowl
For the smallness
For the pettiness
Surrounding
Us

Perhaps
Both

Perhaps
None

Perhaps
Absolute neutrality

The fishbowl
Traps no longer

Let us leave the
Fishbowl

Let us
Thank the meeting

But

Let us
Hate the location

Perhaps.

Kel. 10 September 2006.

Quotations

2006-09-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination.
It is our light more than our darkness which scares us.
We ask ourselves - who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous.
But honestly, who are you to not be so?

[...]
It is not in some of us,
It is in all of us.
While we allow our light to shine,
We unconsciously give permission for others to do the same.
When we liberate ourselves from our fears,
Simply our presence may liberate others.

~ From Akeelah & the Bee (Quotation by Marianne Williamson)

.:::.

On all hilltops

There is peace,

In all treetops

You will hear

Hardly a breath

Birds in the woods are silent.

Just wait, soon

You too will rest.

~ From Immortality by Milan Kundera (poem by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

心计

2006-09-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

Please ignore this blog.

This is really just for yours truly to note down 3 lines of a song that I like. If its on my blog, yours truly doesn't have to scribble it down somewhere. *ruefully*

Anyway, I found a new song with lyrics that I like, namely Xin Ji sung by Li Ke Qin, but very specifically, I like the last 3 line:

A very rough (and bad!) translation (some stuff are just not meant to be translated) would be:

"I try all the tricks, all my strategies and deviousness but I am unable to hide because I have discovered that only you
I cannot bear to give up and I am unable to lose
At the moment when I have won the entire universe, I find myself only thinking of you"

I like.

:::

As an aside, yours truly have just seen Akeelah & the Bee. My god, the words that they are spelling in the movie. I think I barely know what each one means, let's not even think about spelling them.

Anyway, I enjoyed the movie but somehow, while I did like it, it was flat in some ways. It's hard to hard to describe, but it was more of a feel that something is missing. Perhaps, it could be because the film was not as touching or inspiring as I expected and the pace is not tight enough. I dunno. *shrug*

Nonetheless, it is still a film worth watching, at least, I think so.

Sheer

Dilemma

2006-08-29T13:49:00.000+08:00

The Choice

The intellect of man is forced to choose
perfection of the life, or of the work,
And if it take the second must refuse
A heavenly mansion, raging in the dark.
When all that story's finished, what's the news?
In luck or out the toil has left its mark:
That old perplexity an empty purse,
Or the day's vanity, the night's remorse.

~ William Butler Yeats

Yours truly is in a quandary. Should I take a safe and stable job at MHA or should I take a risk and accept a job offer that is of sales component with HSBC? Both jobs are obviously good additions to my resume, but each has pros & cons. For MHA, being a civil service career, yours truly can expect bureaucratic red tape and slow promotion, especially because I am of the wrong gender. But it does offer a reasonable pay with bonus and a good start in a new job function that I have not tried. Of course, another benefit is that there is no bond, so if I dislike the job, I have the option of jumping ship.

For HSBC, it is obviously a great organisation to add to my CV. It is an extremely difficult organisation to get into (yours truly had to do both a verbal and maths test, and than a 3 hrs long test centre), it offers the opportunity to learn about investment (which is of personal benefit and helps my MBA application) and it is a sales job, so it is conceivably the only job that I might be able to earn enough to go do my MBA in the US in 3 yrs time. The cons are the facts that it is a sales job with sales targets to meet and yours truly is bonded for a year.

What's a girl gotta do?

Different people are offering me different advice.

*Sheer's supportive parents argue very convincingly against HSBC and for MHA. Being parents, they would prefer yours truly to take a civil service "iron rice bowl" job and of course, not bond myself down again. *Sheer's dad also mentioned that yours truly is not up to the pressure of sales. He said that yours truly won't be a cut above the rest in a sales job and MHA is a very good addition to my CV. Again, yours truly have to concede that he might have a point.

*Eccentric says that both are not perfect jobs for me, but she concedes that I have a point when I say that HSBC is a good break into the financial market and helps when I apply for MBA. But again, it's back to - DO I WANNA DO SALES? The answer is, ambivalent.

Maybe in light of the ambivalence, yours truly should turn down the job. Because its a full 12 months. So I shldn't start the slate on ambivalence?

*Wallflower says just to wait for a more ideal job to come along. But yours truly is keen to start working. Other than being broke, I'm also getting bored. So I am actually quite ready to start work.

*Peaceful and *Candid both says it is really up to me but *Peaceful says she would personally take MHA for the stability and *Candid says she would personally not take a sales job. Again, they are not exactly helpful, but comments appreciated nonetheless.

*007 who is in banking gave the most direct and perhaps useful advice (bascially cos yours truly assumed that since he is in banking, he would know best) - he said that HSBC is an okay organisation but if the position is personal wealth banker, I won't like it, and it can be pretty stressful. And that, seems to say it all.

So here I am. With barely one day left to make my decision (for HSBC anyway). As of this moment, yours truly is more inclined to take everyone's argument against HSBC. Afterall, dad is a great sales person and he comes into contact with bankers. So if he says I won't be outstanding in the job, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes?

In a perfect world, one can work at the perfect job.

Oh well.

C'est la vie.

Sheer

On the Goodwill of Frens

2006-08-15T02:04:00.000+08:00

You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
~ John Mason

.::::::.

A Continuation of the *DOLLAR NOTES that appeared for yours truly's B-Day:

On the goodwill of yours truly's clique - who are obviously growing more sensible with age cos they very practically decided to give me what a jobless in debt slacker would need most (yes, CASH!)- yours truly bought (1) a cutsy black vest with 3 big buttons matching with a white top with cute puffy sleeves and (2) a halter sailor shirt-dress.

Yes, yes, yours truly should put aside the CASH from my frens for rainy days or really, just because not having a job = no income = running out of savings, but still, it's my birthday, and while I appreciate the money, can you imagine if I just used it on say food or something? I mean, yes, I will enjoy the food, but there's nothing tangible left as a token of my bday present (other than the black feathers, etc, of cos,and oh yah, the video tape. *cringe*). So I bought clothes. Cute non-work wear clothes. *ruefully*

In yours truly's defense, the halter shirt-dress is really flattering and the cutsy black vest has a very unique cut behind (it's layered with planes of cloth). And the white puffy top can be wore under my suits.

Who am I kidding here? *dryly* Yours truly bought the tops because I CANNOT RESIST. But how nice to have my clique and my bday as an excuse to splurge.

Okay. Enough about my tops, let me also add that I received a very dainty starfish with vibrant colors(glass-like material) necklace from my cousin.

Yours truly really likes it.

Ah. Bdays are such nice events, especially if its your own.

Of cos, not having to do any organising at all, has a lot to do with it. *archly*

Sheer

Birthday

2006-08-13T16:13:00.000+08:00

Yes, today marks yours truly's quarter life.

I guess century life is indeed a time for yours truly to pause and count my blessings. I guess the little things in life, the simple gestures and consideration shown by others are heartening.

Yours truly have to concede that bitch wannabe that I am, I really lack the necessary temperament and background. I guess, it's easy for me to be sarcastic and tough, but to reach the standard of being a bitch, oh no, I even lack the proper ability to screech in the right pitch and tone. *ruefully* Alas. Maybe I should just focus on being the cold-hearted sharp and demanding career woman that I am and will be more so? *archly*

Okay, tat aside, yesterday's surprise party was fun. There were BLACK FEATHERS (Ooooo...), DOLLAR NOTES, a LION HEAD, a tennis racquet, lotsa red and gold sakura flowers, food, drinks, cake and chocolate.

Most of all, there were lotsa of effort on the part of my clique, so SPECIAL THANKS to

*Private for organizing

*Candid for loan of her great place for BBQ (we even managed to see the fireworks yesterday!) and the salad and the music.

*the other bday gal for her help in preparation and rolling the appeitzers. (I'm sure it was
appreciated, even if most of us only liked the ham.)

*Wicked aka *Ms Evil for her help in everything but especially for BBQ the food.

*Peace for loan of her pretty scarf

*Maid-Wanna-be for just being there and of cos, for serving me when she remembered *wryly*

*Snappish, *Wicked and *Eccentric for all efforts expanded, but really, especially for the lion head

*Witchy for her help with the sakura flowers even if she was ABSENT for my party.

Yes, indeed, yours truly has friends.

How strange *ruefully*

But how very

Fortunate

Thank you.

Yours,
Evil Me

A Funny Thing Happened

2006-08-05T01:12:00.000+08:00

It happened thus:

First ~ *Snappish texted yours truly about *dreaming of the bag that she saw during shopping and of how she absolutely must have the bag. So would I keep her company to buy the bag next saturday, her payday, and it must be after noon, cos she absolutely knows that her pay is in only after 12pm.

The contents of the sms was acceptable, but yours truly is still feeling dubious. Put it down to my highly suspicious and doubting nature probably. But if you really want to know, (and yes, I know that this sounds freakish but it's true!), it is really because the syntax of the sms from *snappish is all wrong. Don't ask me to explain, but once I saw the sms, all my senses went on alert.

But to be fair, I thought I should give *snappish the benefit of the doubt, and put it down to her oh-so-newly-accquired-shoppaholic-tendencies, so, I agreed to shopping outing on saturday.

Second ~ Being the highly suspicious and sensitive being that I am, I mentioned to *wicked about the dubious sms from *snappish and in any case, invited *wicked for the proposed shopping since we were conversing on shopping and her need for retail therapy.

Third ~ *Witchy texted to apologise for not being in town on on 12 and 13 August for my bday, and told me to have a great time.

Fourth ~ *Wicked sent me an sms meant for *snappish to ask if the bag buying outing was a ruse to get me out of the house. Obviously, *wicked is overworked and getting senile. It's not as if *snappish and yours truly's names are even close in the phonebook. *wryly*

Fifth ~ Yours truly traditionally celebrates her actual bday with family, so usually my clique celebrates earlier.

Oh please. *roll eyes* Putting all the 5 points together (and all happening on the same day), the rest was really really elementary. Pure deduction indeed. *deadpan* So, can I be blamed for having no doubts at all that my *surprise bday party is on 12 August, Sat? *archly*

Yours truly tried really hard to pretend or at least give *snappish the benefit of the doubt.

But still. I'm not that much of a simpleton.

In fact, you guys are not really making it easy for me to even pretend to be simple. *shake head*

Perhaps I should be grateful that my clique or at least, most of them, are really quite atrocious liars?

Of course, yours truly must applaud *snappish for her really valiant efforts this year at deception. It was an improvement, really, from er...2 years ago...or not...

Never mind, at least brownie points for efforts.

Yours truly hopes *snappish would really get the bag though, cos it is indeed a nice bag. OMG, yours truly suddenly wondered, if *snappish really intended to get the bag, and so, in actuality, her sms' contents are actually what she believes to be true, even though it was a ruse, isn't it terrifying that yours truly still saw through the ruse and know it as a *lie?

Wow.

Let's just skip the metaphilsophical quandary.

It was of course, very nice of my clique to organise my celebration and attempt to do what they are obviously too honest to do, and lie for my benefit.

How nice to have friends, even if they can't lie. Oh dear, did I say even if? I'm sure I meant especially because they can't lie. *deadpan

And before you ask, I have no idea what is wrong with them. It's probably a flop, a once off situation in the whole karmic cycle of life.

wink.

To decline

2006-07-31T01:14:00.000+08:00

decline (d-kln)
v. declined, declining, declines

v.intr.
~ To express polite refusal.

v.tr.
~ To refuse politely: I declined their offer of help.

.:::.

The question is, how do one go about declining an invitation from someone who remembers one's birthday and sounds genuinely interested to celebrate for one?

I think yours truly is being too nice. Help me, dear evilness. What is wrong with me or is it the world has gone nuts?

Yours truly has an acquaintance, a really young acquaintance - *immature, who feels that yours truly has been really nice and so, asked yours truly out. *roll eyes*.

Yes, *immature asked me out on or during my bday. Hello?! What is going on here. Yes, dear evilness, I am more amendable to invitations, but this is too much, surely. I mean, *immature is barely an acquaintance, not even close enough that yours truly would want to maintain contact, let alone go out together? But how does one go about declining an invitation from an immature youth? It would feel like stepping on a young puppy or something. *roll eyes*

Again, why me? What is wrong?

Moreover, did I mention that *immature is having a cold war with *blunt, and I'm firmly in *blunt's camp? No? Well, now you see how ridiculous the whole situation is? I am not a neutral party here. Worse, I haven't even been deliberately nice to *immature, in fact, I am likely to be more *short tempered with *immature because prolonged exposure to *immature gets on my nerve. So there's really no call for *immature to think of me as nice and to want to celebrate yours truly's bday?

Maybe I should continue being my old cold-hearted sarcastic bitch again? I certainly dun wanna go back to days where I have so many boringly nice people asking me out and cracking my head to think up the least offensive yet most obvious way of declining. And there I thought I have outgrown the need for such defenses since junior school days. *ruefully*

People must be more masochistic than yours truly believed.

Deary deary me. *dryly*

The Lunch that also Masquerades as Dinner

2006-07-30T01:05:00.000+08:00

We dare not trust our wit for making our house pleasant to our friend, so we buy ice cream.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yours truly is glad to report that although there was indeed ice-cream at *Starry's housewarming steamboat lunch cum birthday celebration for *Starry's fren (which, btw, she didn't tell yours truly it was meant as a bday celebration for someone yours truly dun even know when inviting me!), no one was forced to resort to having ice-cream. Thank Evilness.

Flashback to 1.5 week ago:

*Starry truly rendered an invitation to yours truly to a steamboat dinner (which turned out to be lunch), because she wants to introduce yours truly to 2 of her friends and which, more importantly, she sneakily mentioned that the steamboat was meant to be her housewarming party.

Now, the question was, why the hell did yours truly attend since basically, I hate such events where I dunno the other people and there is a need to make social chit-chat and being a hermit and anti-social, such events are no-no.

Well, let's see. I think I guilt-tripped and outsmarted myself. *ruefully*

First of all, being happily slacking, yours truly is more amendable to persuasion. (You will be surprised at the number of strange events I have been invited to, most of which, I have still turned down, and the number of people trying to persuade me to meet some stranger or go somewhere strange). *archly*

Secondly, yours truly's devious brain reminded me that if I have no qualms whatsoever to ask people I like to meet my clique (and usually that means a whole group of them), then to be fair, I should give my frens the benefit of doubt and meet people they like in turn. After all, I had no qualms just inviting *starry to meet my clique or *candid to meet my clique. If they had to meet a whole group of strangers all at one time, then in turn, how can I refuse to meet just 2 of *Starry's friends? (Damn, why do I value fairness and impartiality? Yours truly will work harder to get these qualties out of my system. *grin* Anyway, not that it matters, it turned out to be more than 2 strangers to meet. There was 3 of *starry's frens, *starry's significant other, *starry's roommate & said roommate's fren. Can I demand compensation for being misled? *laconically*)

Thirdly, yours truly has turned down *starry's invitation to meet her friends, and specifically, one of them in particular quite a few times, so yours truly is feeling a slight tinge of guilt in my practically non-existent conscience. Alas. *shake head at myself*. In any case, it's not that yours truly doesn't think that *Starry's frens will be interesting, it's just that I'm lazy and anti-social enough to not wanna make the effort to meet people. *grimace*

So happily, I plotted to buy *starry a housewarming present, meet her during the day to give it to her and then, wiggle out of the dinner. Unfortunately for me, the dinner turned out to be lunch, so I had no time to wiggle out. *wryly*

In gist, yours truly did indeed meet *starry's friends today and the amount of food prepared by *starry was obviously way too much. So we started having lunch at 3pm and finished about 5pm and that was like full enough to be dinner. And then, *starry also made tea, cooked *cheng tng and there was also the chocolate truffle birthday cake. Gosh. So-much-to-eat.

Ok. As an aside, *starry's frens are fine. No bad vibes. Thankfully. But yours truly is hard pressed to find her roommate and her roommate's fren likeable, not that they did anything to me, but they were distinctly unfriendly and distant, at least, they felt that way to me. I really don't think the blame can be laid at my door this time, since yours truly was in a fairly *sociable state, and I didn't even make sarcastic remarks. (Can you imagine that? Pause for gasp of breath. Even I am amazed at myself. *shake head*) So it's really them. *dryly*

On a happier note, other than finding *starry's frens acceptable, this is the first time yours truly really met *starry's knight in shinning amour, and fortunately, he is quite easy to get along. Not that we had much in-depth significant conversation, but at least it was easy and comfortable. Very important. It's sad if yours truly can't get along with the significant others of her closer friends. I mean, yours truly is already way too selective over who I go out with, imagine if I had to extend my anti-social personality to my closer frens' other halves. Wow. I'll soon have no frens indeed. *deadpan*

Ok. If you have managed to make it this far (I am surprised at you. Go get a life!), here's my thanks to *starry for a nice lunch and desserts, etc.

I had a comfortable day at your place.

As for the person you really wanted me to meet...*shrug* I have no comments really, except, oh my evilness, you can't even refrain from not asking me about so-and-so in front of your knight? *roll eyes*

Patience and resisting temptation are virtues, my fren.

Go acquire some. *wryly*

Yours truly,
Evil me

One's Destiny

2006-07-21T15:22:00.000+08:00

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~ William Ernest Henley 1849 – 1903

Yours truly decided that my new state of mind (ie, as a happy slacker and jobless bum) deserves a new beginning. Happily, yours truly is starting over on a clean slate, and having now had 5 days of slacking (or 5 days since my offical last day at work), I am really mentally and physically healtier and happier. There is an exhilarating sense of relief, which tells me how bogged down I have become in 2 years of work. On hindsight, I am really glad to have taken the final plunge and throw in the towel. (PS: From *Candid's description, work situation seems to have degenerated further. Yours truly really think *Candid will eventually resign and join the club).

Okay, here's some meaningless bits of information before yours truly go on with her eulogy of gratitude for resigning and being free to slack:
1. Acta et fabula, plaudite - The Act is over, appluad ~ said to be Emperor Augustus' last words
2. Invictus - Taking responsibility for one's destiny (and one of *Wallflower's fav poem, mine too actually)
3. Picture on blog - Prada's advertisement (this is according to *Wicked, personally, I have no idea)
4. *Doormat is curious and concerned about how I have been, because and I quote "you have been blogging less". Please, yours truly blogged the same amount, ie, irregularly and only when I am in the mood or when some really bored reader (read: wat's wrong with them?) complains that I haven't blogged in ages. Then I might, if I am in a mood to blog to *appease them. But then again, maybe it's just *doormat having more time? *archly*

Ok. Back to my current state, yours truly is happy to report that she is really occupied with slacking (you have no idea how much planning there is to slack properly). Of cos, she is always catching up with old friends who she hasn't met, reading, writing, sleeping, watching anime, looking for job, reading, sleeping, watching films, etc. In other words, lots to do and time is flying rapidly. Good times never last. *wryly*

Perhaps, what really is gratifying at the moment is the aimlessness and sense of freedom at not having to go to work at a fixed hour and follow a fixed routine. A really perfect time to reflect and decide on what I want to do with my life.

Yes, even I think I'm going overboard with giddness at slacking and resigning, but really, if I haven't resigned, I really won't know I needed to so much. I suppose, on hindsight and of course, if you are of a mind to reflect, stopping and pausing in the rush of life is beneficial.

Oh well. Yours truly will probably get bored in 2 weeks and seriously get down to looking for a job, but in the meantime, yours truly will go on with her happy aimless slacking.

Don't send me hate mails. Even though it's really flattering. It will only make you feel worse.

Trust me. *grin*

Freedom

2006-07-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.
~ W. Somerset Maugham

And so it is offical. Today is the day I say "so long & goodbye" to my job, my office and my colleagues of 2 years.

Notice that it's "goodbye" and not "good riddance".

And so, it is with a surprisingly sentimental heart that I write this.

Yes. Yours truly left with a surprisingly sentimental but cheerful mood. I suppose a large part of my equamnity arises from the fact that I have resigned before I started "hating" my job. In fact, I left with fond memories of it.

Any regrets on leaving?

Again, surprisingly, there is none. Oh yes, I think I will actually miss some of my colleagues but I am completely not forlorn about leaving my work of 2 years behind.

2 years = 365 days x 2 = 730 days = 17520 hours = 1051200 mins

Years, days, hours and minutes I can never re-live again.

But no regrets. I guess yours truly did get along with some of my colleagues and the Company has been good to me. It is just unfortuante that in the long run, the nature of the work does not fit my long term goals.

Such is life and life must go on. I hate to mouth plantitudes, but in this case, I suppose I can be excused on grounds of being in a rare mood of *gasp* sentimentality.

Of course, perhaps my chirpy mood has a lot to do with the very very cute "Goodbye" card given to me by my department and the very nice sentiments expressed by my Group in the mini-cards that made up the whole card.

It probably also has to do with the very "practical" farewell gift of a cashier order, which they made a duplicate and laminated for my posterity. *wryly*

Yours truly heard that it is illegal to make a copy of a cashier order. But much as I appreciate the cheque, being as I am, broke, in debt and jobless, but I appreciated more the thoughtfulness in my colleagues' gestures.

Perhaps, yours truly is getting sentimental in my *old age. *horrified gasp of breath!*

Alright. I shall go sleep off my moment of sentimentality.

Time enough tomorrow to be the resilient, independent and cold-hearted bitch that I am.

And before I end off,

I AM FREE TO SLACK FOR AT LEAST 2 WEEKS!

Yes, I simply cannot resist rubbing it in.

So sue me.

shrug.

Sheer in Bliss

Read! Read!

2006-07-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

Yours truly's HIM must firmly agree that "One must always be ready & eager to read"

Let's start with two "easy" books: -

Hmm...may I shld just ask for a book review instead of asking a question? *wryly*

After all, then yours truly can rate both his taste and writing? And if he adds in a dash of humor, a sprinkle of wits & intelligence with just enough sublty and a sense of compassion. PERFECT or almost as perfect as can be?

Laconically Sheer

Ultimate Question to *Starry

2006-06-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

The ultimate Question and Answer (think Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide) to the *Starry Question:

(drums roll)

There are 2 versions of the *Ultimate Question - the general & the specific:

Specific (Note: Question courtesy of *Ms Evil):

How would you justify your existence?

[PS: this question emerged only after some prolonged discussions with premises and conditions set by yours truly's pals aka that the *oh-so-eligible-guys (we are gender neutral but personally, heterosexual-inclined) are absolutely honest and genuine with their answers (by the way, this excludes the eligible guy who is genuinely untruthful), that they are the most eligible and acceptable to each of us personally, etc, etc. As usual, my pals wanted to close up all the loopholes and create the perfect *state of nature (think John Locke's Social Contract)]

Yours truly's HIM can only answer in 2 ways:

HE: "Justify yours to me and I will justify mine to you" - *tongue in cheek & with absolute self-assurance

Or

HE: "I don't have to justify it. I live it" - *with quiet self-confidence

Hmm...and if there happen to be more than 1 guy who answers the right way? Well, according to *Ms Evil, that's fine, since she wants a harem. (I wonder where in the world is polygamy legal?)

(pause 3 seconds for the scandalous looks & gasp of breath by readers)

But moi, moi would only say, it all hinges on the way HE said it.

:::

To the General Question:

What is your absolute favorite book in the world?

Yours truly have no preferred answer. But lots of immediate "you are out!" answers.

This is obviously an elimination question.

For instance, I have read Harry Potter and I like the series. But if a guy tells me he thinks Harry Potter is the absolute best book in the world to him, he's not my guy, thank you very much.

In the same way, if a guy picks any self-help book ~ as *snappish puts it "you mean you can't help yourself?" ~ in other words, you are out!

Me and my pals says NO to guys who picks self-help books, thriller, mysteries and even, business books (most types anyway).

Oh by the way, as *eccentric says, if a guy says "my fav book in the world is American Pyscho" ~ we will definitely be very disturbed. And of course, NO WAY!

Again, when *Ms Evil says "how about a guy who says Mein Kampf?" *cough. I think it was agreed that he is OUT too.

A guy who picks a philosophy book (depends on who and which school of thought) will get to my *waiting list ~ let's wait and compare all answers first.

A guy who picks for instance, *Beyond Good and Evil, *cough - you will be an interesting friend but I am really not sure if you are the one for me.

A guy who says he doesn't read, please, you won't even be in the room.

In other words, yours truly knows what book a guy picks as his favorite is enough to eliminate him. But not what book makes him my guy.

*Eccentric says if the guy picks "The Moon & Six Pence" ~ HE is the one for her. *grin*

This was actually quite fun. I had lotsa *nonsense questions. Like "are you going to die and live me filthy rich" - *deary deary me

But all in all, the 2 questions above are most acceptable to yours truly and probably the answers would be most telling to me.

In any case, it is not likely that there is ever going to be a room of eligible men (who are going to answer my question truthfully) for moi to pick from, so this is just a great topic to talk about and perhaps, to think about.

At the very least, it did tell me what is really important to me. And it seems that self-reflection & books are and have always been, important to me.

A guy who does not reflect on the *meaning of life or who does not read - OMG.

NO WAY.

sheer

The *Starry's Question

2006-06-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

*drums roll (this is a solemn moment, so pay attention!)

Imagine that you walk into a room full of eligible people (gender your choice) and you only get to ask ONE question to all of these eligible people AND you damn well be serious about your one and only question because (punchline coming!) ... you have to marry the person who gave you your desired (or failing which, the most perfect answer among all).

So tell me, what is THE question you will ask?

And yours truly being inquisitive, what is your most desired answer?

Think about it.

I wanna know.

Yes, yes, yours truly is aware that it is near impossible to pick a husband/wife/long-time partner/long term lover/short time bedwarmer, etc, etc, with a single question. But hey, I didn't set the rules, so complain to *Starry if you must. But if we suspend all logical process of boy-meet-gal or gal-meet-gal or boy-meet-boy, etc, (yours truly is gender and relationship neutral), if you only had that one-oh-so-important question to match the one-oh-so-important answer, what is your question to net your dream lover?

Do you know?

Let's hear it.

*sheer

Something to be grateful for

2006-06-19T00:09:00.000+08:00

One would have thought that something so momentous like the first time yours truly have resigned would be worth a moment of celebrating, the wild-I-wanna-shout-out to the world, but no.

Strangely enough, there is just a sense of calmness. Yours truly has finally, officially, tendered my resignation on 17 June 2006. I thought I would be really delighted or on a high or something. But no. Just a certain calmness has set in.

I wonder whether it is because yours truly have *agonized for months on whether to quit. Or because my brain has already decided ages ago, neglecting to inform me. Or just because it is an anticlimax from all the consideration and of cos, it is probably just a symptom of my *quarter life crisis.

In any case, yours truly is looking forward to finishing up this month at work and to take a nice long break at home to relaxing before plunging into job searching seriously.

On this note, it is really nice to have *supportive parents. Yours truly could not have resigned with such equanimity without knowing that my parents would be able and willing to lend me money to pay my bond and be able to support me while I find my bearings.

Yes, I concede that I am somewhat *lost. I have yet to find a new job and I am not entirely sure of what I wanna do as of now. But I am grateful for small blessings. Thank evilness that yours truly does not have to support a family or have any heavy financial commitment. It is basically, me and how to support myself.

That is, or rather, my parents are really something to be grateful for.

I am.

Are you?

My Life

2006-06-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

~Robert Frost

:::

A crossroad is in front
Shrouded in mist

do you proceed
do you turn

left

or
right

or

stay
put

I see a crossroad

Many winding
paths

Do I want to turn
Left

Or right

Or not

Uncertainty besiege

Should I take the plunge

Take a chance and
Turn left

Or right

Or not

No answer

No one
Have any answers

But

I know

Definitely
I will not

Would not

Cannot not

Do not want to

Stay put

Because I am
Me

Moving

Forward

Perhaps foolhardily

But

That's me

That's how
I am

You can live
How you
Want

Allow me
The same
courtesy

It is my
right

Not yours
To choose

My life.

Kel. 15 May 2006.

"Life is rarely as we would like it to be rather it is exactly as it is."

2006-06-01T15:40:00.000+08:00

"You are a nation of cheats" according to the Japanese colleague of *doormat who is teaching ENGLISH in Japan. How nice. I didn't realise my-oh-so-dear-homeland has such character or had it in her to be a cheat. Such an achievement. *deadpan*

It is so prosiac and mundane to just declare that I like Japan because it is not true. Perhaps I do like certain parts of it, but not all and certainly, Japan is too complex to be concluded so simply. What I suppose I like is the nuances I sense in the society and culture. Look at it this way, while most Japanese has the habit of giving up their seats to the elderly, they have no qualms in not apologisng or acknowledging when they knock into someone. How strange. Likewise, while there are friendly Japanese who go out of the way to offer help to *confused lost tourists like us, there is a Japanese who offered help and then had the gall to help himself to 200Y from our change when we bought the tixs for the subway as compensation for his help, when we didn't even ask for help. *roll eyes*

In case you didn't know, yours truly went to visit *doormat in Japan with *snappish, *witchy and *private for a glorious 14 days. We stayed at *doormat's place for a few days and travelled to Kumamoto, Nagasaki, Mount Aso, Kyoto and Tokyo. The water festival at Togawa shi was particularly interesting. I managed to catch 2 great art exhibitions (using up a lot of the memory card of *snappish's camera) and of cos, Kyoto's really worth a visit. Their shrines and temples are majestic. Even the trees have character despite being well-pruned and manicured. Perhaps we should admire the gardeners for their diligence and artist abilities? Or is this merely a case of the foreign lands are always better sydrome? I think not.

The temperature was btw a comfortable range of 20 to 24 degrees, so no trouble there. Even though it was rainy for a few days. Interestingly, when we went tea leaves picking with *doormat's school in the mountains, the sun was shinning so bad, yours truly came back with a tan, from Japan, in Spring?! *arched my brows*

Oh yeah, we stayed in a comfortable and CLEAN hostel in Kyoto - K HOUSE. I highly recommend it to all who wants to visit Japan. If there's a K House hostel in the area you are visiting, please, do yourself a favor and stay with them. The hostel I stayed at in Tokyo left a lot to be desired. Truly, it was quite uncomfortable with very thin walls (ceilings that didn't even reach the top between the rooms) and obviously, the owners were not too fastidious about hygience. *grimace*

All in all, yours truly thought the trip was comfortable. It was nice to catch up with *doormat, who in her current state, I like better. This is not to say that she wasn't likeable previously, but age, as you know, or as I hear, add maturity to our characters, and *doormat, i am please to note has very nicely matured. But it's probably just me and me being sensitive or probably over-thinking. No matter. At least it is happy that yours truly find people to appreciate more when its usually the other way. If only age really adds maturity to everyone. But alas, observations tell one that most people just merely age without acquiring the useful grace of maturity. So at least, *doormat was favored by dear evilness. *grin*

On that note, yours truly shld end my crap. If i can find time, i will show off some great pictures from the art exhibtion. but only if the moon is shinning and more importantly, i am in an amendable mood.

Oh yeah, by the way, I have finally typed my resignation letter. Now it remains for me to actually submit the letter. yikes. i hate the prolonged sessions with my bosses to discuss my resignation. Such a dreary thought.

oh well. shrug.

what will come will come.

C'est la Vie

I wanna be me

2006-05-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

Yours truly is not a *sentimental fool, so never, in your evilness' blog life, has yours truly felt like being *mushy.

But right at this moment, yours truly must proclaim, thank you evilness, for I am blessed.

I am one-damn-fortunate-bitch.

Look at this way, I love my parents, I really do but while unconsciously, I always knew that I am lucky, coming from the oh-so-traditional-chinese family, we just don't hang words of endearment on our *lips.

But for the support my parents immediately gave when I thought of breaking my bond and repaying a horrendous amount of money, I am grateful. I mean, there was no talk of being responsible for one’s own decisions, but more of "I'll write you a cheque now". That's a relief. Even if its more in line of "we would love for you to resign like right now" kind of way. *grin*

Sometimes, yours truly feels that I think too much. After all, it's more me to weigh my decisions and to try to persevere in my choices, than it is my parents' demand of me. Maybe I just think too much. Imagine all the agonizing and my parents just say, "great, go ahead & quit. If money can solve your headache, it’s no longer a problem." Wow. *whistles*

So what was the value of the time and sheer effort of agonizing?

But then, I like me this way.

Thank you very much.

Fact is, I like people this way.

Decisions should not be frivolous made. Money should not be squandered without thought.

If there are more people like that, I suppose I might just possibly have more friends?

Maybe

Not.

Shrug.

Back to my initial point, after that detour to my current job status – which is probably very mundane *grimace* - yours truly is going to JAPAN tomorrow. Yes, being paid peanuts means that I should scrimp and not shop in Japan, but my parents seems rather worried about my finances.

Look at it this way, it is normal that yours truly's mom tries to give me money for the trip, but the fact that, *dear-absent-minded dad deliberately and consciously went to draw money to give me despite my attempts to turn it down, makes me so…..loved?

Isn't it nice to be me?

More importantly, isn't it great to have parents like mine? *smirk*

Thank evilness.

Someone out there likes me. *impertinently*

Bon voyage to me.

2006-05-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

What kind of punctuation mark am I?

Am I a full stop? Hear me and that's it?

A question mark? I know not where and know not how?

An ellipse? Always to be continued, always waiting to be continued?

How about a comma? A pause, waiting to be completed?

What kind of punctuation mark am I?

How about a dash?

You never what's going to be behind it, but

At least it definitely going to be continued?

A story to be told?

Perhaps.

Or an exclamation mark?

Always short and abrupt but always noticed?

Maybe just a pause

A space waiting to be filled

A potential waiting to happen

Maybe

My Current Ambivalence

2006-04-22T00:36:00.000+08:00

Your Job Dissatisfaction

Level is 49%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world,

but it's not great.

And don't worry, you're not the problem -

your company is.

Start looking around for another job,

even if you're not totally fed up.

Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!

This says it all, I suppose?

2006-04-16T18:22:00.000+08:00

It is an absurd world
There is absolutely no external authority
That will give you a pat on the head
And assure you that
You have made the right choice

We live in an absurd world
There is absolutely no way of knowing
What is right and wrong
By any external authority
But yourself

Be afraid
There is no meaning in life
I am afraid
Because there is no meaning in life

I am lost in an absurd world
I exist in a meandering reality
Of absurdness

I am lost
I have to be found

I can only be
Found

By me

Compliments of *Starry's Blog

2006-04-16T02:12:00.000+08:00

You Are Somewhat

Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

I'm never going back…at least until my memory fails, which in this short term memory age, might be sooner than I would imagine it to be.

2006-03-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yours truly wants her disgust at MISS CLARITY duly noted. After my 3 day advance reservation for TRIPLE CHOCOLATE BIRTHDAY CAKE, the owner of the cafe sent up a tiramisu cake and tried to pass it off as what I ordered. Hello? What’s wrong with you? I mean, yours truly has not gone blind, even after the repeated straining of my eyes by staring at the computer screen for way too long hours, but even then, triple chocolate is all brown, for evilness’sake, how can I miss the difference? *arched my brows*

Yours truly cannot even attempt to fathom how after having reserved the cake, the café can actually “forget” to put it aside, but if, you have some itsy-bitsy bit of sense of customer service, you will know that you should at least explain and not just send up the other cake without any explanations and hope that customers are *blur enough to not notice.

I won’t condemn the café even though it’s ridiculous to miss out the cake reservation, but I am *pissed by the fact that the café owner tried to pass off the MISTAKE. And then, when we ask, she oh-so-condescendingly informed us that she ran out of the triple chocolate cake and then gave us her last second piece of triple chocolate cake for us to try, as if that was the cause of our fuss. Like we really care to have a bite of the cake. Oh please. *roll eyes*

My evilness, she is so damn lucky that yours truly was feeling under the weather and not up to making a fuss. Otherwise, honest-to-evilness, I would have kicked up a fuss, and with *candid there, I assume you, the fuss would have been something to see.

So conclusion, yours truly decide to boycott the café until short term memory loss occurs.

But then, given my memory, I wonder what’s the possibility of it happening?

Maybe

it will be in

this lifetime?

*deadpan*

Oink Oink

2006-03-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

My Piggy

This is fun.

GO DRAW THE PIG NOW!

*roll eyes* Indulge yours truly-oh-so-rare-childness.

*Arched Brows

2006-03-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is passionate and physical.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

Yours truly is very certain that yours truly *friends and probably *enemies would agree abt the manipulative bit.

What do you think?

Come

Be honest

*arched brows

Randomness

2006-02-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

Silence

Sound

Despair

Movement

Pause

Stop

A beat
A chant
A rhythm

Repeat

Begin
Rewind
Restart

Darkness

Light

Existing

Moving on.

CNY 2

2006-02-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

Flashback:

On the 2nd day of CNY, when yours truly was trying to take a nap before the sleepover at *Eccentric’s – Yours truly’s mom was obviously in a chatty mood, so yours truly gave up trying to nap and asked a (in my view, simple question that got me a oh-so-detailed answer) question on “how is Auntie-A related to us?”

M: She’s Granny’s goddaughter. (And this is the part of the plot out of a romance novel!). Did you know that Auntie A is the 2nd wife of Uncle?

Me: Oh? I didn’t know.

M: Yeah. She helped bring up Uncle’s first wife’s 2 sons.

Me: Ok. I didn’t know that. I assume Uncle’s first wife passed away? (Bear in mind this was like the 70s if not earlier, I didn’t think divorce was common than)

M: Oh no. Uncle’s first wife fell for the butcher and Auntie fell for your uncle.

Me: Huh?

Mom: Auntie went to work for Uncle as housekeeper/cleaner, etc and she fell in love with Uncle and got pregnant (at this point, I must have had a scandalize look. Pardon my prudishness). Not when Uncle’s wife was still living with him. Uncle’s 1st wife ran off with the butcher and left Uncle and his 2 sons. So Auntie who was already employed as their housekeeper, helped Uncle take care of his 2 sons. Auntie was already in love with Uncle even before his wife ran off, so naturally things got to a point where Auntie was “in the family way”.

Me: Ah. Ok. (pardon me, does Auntie’s life-story sound like a badly written romance drivel to you?)

M: Anyway, Auntie didn’t dare to tell her parents, so she confided in your Granny. Granny went and spoke to Auntie’s parents and arranged Auntie’s marriage to Uncle.

(the other parts of the long description by yours truly’s mom shall go unmentioned.)

:::

You note that this has absolutely nothing to do with how Auntie A became Granny’s goddaughter? Hah. That is another story on my deceased grandfather and dreams. Anyway, yours truly doubt anyone wants to hear more about her relatives and their intricate complicated relationship, suffice to say, it is apparently very common to have god-parents/siblings/children in yours truly’s family with lots of “superstition” involved. *dryly*

Ok, my point, and yes, I actually do have a point in relating the above. I just wanted to point out that incredulous as it might seem, romance drivel and stupid crying-flicks we read/see on TV actually might have some basis in truth. OMG. Yours truly was horrified.

To be honest, this CNY, I heard so many scandalous *true life-stories of my relatives that I was *shocked and *appalled by. Oh please, don’t get me wrong, yours truly have no problems with Auntie A being the 2nd wife and such, it’s the fact that she went to work as a housekeeper, fell in love with the master of the house with *unfaithful wife, got pregnant, etc, such *stereotype plot that shocked me. Yours truly have a pretty high threshold of acceptance, in the “you can do whatever you want with your life so long as you do not hurt anyone in your actions” type of way, but really, such stereotypes horrifies me. *archly*

Isn’t it frightening to look back and think, “my life has been a stereotype”?

Anyway, let’s ponder whether such stereotypes are stereotypes because it is common that people fall into such situations or are such situations are overly dramatized that it becomes stereotypes?

I have no idea. I only know that if indeed such lives are rare, than apparently, all the odds favor my extended family. Did I mention that I have an aunt on my father’s side who is also the 2nd wife and then helped raised the 1st wife son, etc, etc? *laconical*

I wonder whether my aunts fall into such situations because they can’t help themselves, or was it because they were obsessed about the notion of a grand illicit passion? Hmm….lately, I’ve discovered that people in my extended family and my parents’ group of friends provide such an *interesting cauldron of *stereotypes to study. I mean, think about it, I have samples of *accidental pregnancies resulting in hasty marriage, *mercenary woman chasing rich man, *abusive father/stepmother who ought to be shot, *employees who fall for their employers and become 2nd wives, *mistresses of rich man, *men with dual families, etc, etc.

Wow. I’m impressed. And there I thought older generation people are more conservative. *grimace*

Decision time:
Would you rather live an ordinary life or a life that is such a stereotype?

CNY Blues

2006-02-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

As a marriageable female of a certain age, it is inevitable to be asked the *B/M question, otherwise known as the boyfriend/marriage Q during the oh-so-festive-season-where-relatives-whom-you-can’t-care-less-about-and-who-can’t-care-less-about-you imagine they have the right to interrogate and ask confidential and personal questions under the blanket right of being relatives. *roll eyes*

Yours truly’s recommendations on how to wiggle out of it...

Relative 1: B/M? (In dialect, of course)
Me: *smile and look around uncomprehendingly.
(Just leave the answering for one’s oh-so-versatile and eloquent mother.")

Relative 2: B/M?
Me: *blush *cough *shake head
(this is recommended only if one is able to blush at will, & convincingly and more importantly, to be executed only when one’s parents are not around to assist. This is so because it is possible that the first few attempts at blushing will mislead said relative into assuming that there is a potential guy in the picture and one is *shy. This will then result in being further interrogated and worse, your parents might join the field. Yikes!)

Relative 3: B/M?
Me: *lol* Of cos not, I want to work for a few years, travel lots of places and go back to school. B? M? Oh please. Who the hell has the time to take care of a guy?
(this is only recommended again when one’s parents are not ard to see one being patronizing of said relative)

Relative 4: B/M?
Me: Oh, lots of B, but M? No way. *shake head* M is for idiots.
(please refer to Relative 3 comment above)

Oh dear evilness, just kill me. *groan* And please, don't ask which approach yours truly took. Curiousity kills the cat, or rather it would more likely give you a *black eye.

Actually, that was an exaggeration. This year’s CNY is surprisingly more bearable than expected. Yours truly didn’t have to see too many obnoxious relatives or more importantly, speak to them. Thank Evilness!

Plus yours truly had a relatively fun night/sleepover at *Eccentric’s place even though we spent quite a bit of time playing TABOO but I like. *grin* Oh dear, does the fact that I’m not moaning about the torturous CNY implies that yours truly have mellowed? Or worse, has my threshold of tolerance for such *social aka boring aka miserable aka tedious, etc, gatherings increased?

I hope not.

Probably, yours truly has just mastered the art of being *obnoxious*sarcastic*patronizing*evil without offending relatives. *deadpan* In other words, yours truly was being *rude and they didn’t realize it. *hah!

As an irrelevant aside, saw a cousin yours truly have not seen in like 3 years and oh dreary dreary me, he has grown so-so feminine, and unless I read him wrongly, with certain issues on his sexual orientation.

It could just be me thinking *ridiculous thoughts

But I think

Not.

Shrug.

Much about Nothing

2006-01-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

Why have yours truly not blogged in ages
.
.
.
maybe yours truly is losing
her ability to write much about
nothing
.
.
or
worse
losing her ability to
write
due to
lack of practise
.
.
oh horrors
.
.
.
or perhaps
she has ran out of
nonsense to write
and life
has provided no
inspiration
.
.
.
she hopes
it’s the latter
but it really
could be the
former
.
.
.
help
.
.
maybe
perhaps
she’s just
going
crazy

yours truly in denial.

:::

Dear Eccentric Friends (Note: rich people are not strange, merely eccentric – courtesy of *snappish & yours truly believes that all her friends will qualify eventually as ECCENTRIC if they aren’t already so. *archly*)

Yours truly has been MIA cos she’s been very busy. So what’s new. *drly*

Actually, yours truly has been busy being a really “privileged daughter”. Thank you whoever up there for parents, particularly generous parents like mine who sponsored by recent Bangkok trip over the weekend and public holiday, and the obscene amount of money spent on shopping. *shake head at the thought of it*

Envious?

Smirk.

Yes, yes, I know. I’m privileged or otherwise known as obnoxiously bratty. So sue me.

Anyway, after the short stint and masquerade role of being privileged daughter without having to make any decisions since I was with mom, I obviously came back to a work desk completely groaning with work, which snowballed and snowballed and snowballed. I’m still trying to find my way out of the snow.

*pause for a moment to dig myself out of the work piled onto me*

Ok to continue on the update of my life - what? You didn’t realize it was an update of my life so far for inquisitive (Read: nosey) readers? Shame on you.

Anyway, work being work, continue its relentless piling on moi and not likely to slacken. So let’s skip the issue. I doubt you want to read all about me and my work, and even if you do, I’m not about to write about my work. Oh please. Get a life. *archly*

So to continue yours truly’s extended update, I went to the SEMBAWANG BAND FESTIVAL today with *Evil, *Wallflower and *Snappish. (after rushing all the way to out-of-place Sembawang after 4hours meeting in office!). Great day to be outdoors. *Evil and *Wallflower seems to get along quite well (I tot they would & I am always right. *deadpan*).

We visited *Evil’s place after the festival and boy, I love her place, ie, her manga collection, manga posters (made me feel so at home!), books and CDs, and a TV/MEDIA Room! My clique is so going to stay over at her place for slumber party soon. *grin*

I can tell you all about the interaction between the four of us today, about *Wallflower’s recitation of Shakespeare & poetry, our discussion on books & music, but do you really want to know all these? Even I find it tedious to read such things, and it’s about me and my life. So take my advise, drop this. Pursue no further on what we did and more importantly talked about, cos frankly, why should you care?

Gotcha, didn’t I? *archly*

Ok. This is getting to be a really tedious and boring blog.

Dear evilness! Do you think yours truly is losing the ability to write nonsense?

What can be done?

What should be done?

~ To be continued

Infinitely.

Dictator Me

2005-12-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: August 13

You're dominant and powerful. You always need to be in charge.
While others respect your competence, you can be a bit of a dictator.
Hard working and serious, you never let yourself down.
You are exact and accurate - and you expect others to be the same way.

Your strength: You always get the job done

Your weakness: You're a perfectionist to a fault

Your power color: Gray

Your power symbol: Checkmark

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

"pretty please with maraschino cherry and whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles"

2005-11-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

My Beloved Stilettos

I.
I put on
My stiletto heels
My identity

The symbol
Of me

My career
My life

My heels
My stilettos

My beloved.

II.
You asked me
To step out

of

My stilettos

Should I
Do so

For you?

If I take off
My stilettos

If I take them off
Because of you

Am I still
Me

Can I still
Be me?

III
My stilettos

A
Part of
The me

You fell
For

A
Part of
The me

That fell
For you

So if I
Remove

My beloved
Stilettos

My
8-inch
wicked heels

The
Symbol
Of my identity

A
Symbol
Of my career

Am I still me

Am I still
The me

That loves you?

I think

Not.

IV
So

Let me keep
My stilettos

Let me keep
Me

The me
That loves you

So

The me
That you love

The me
In my stilettos

The

Ambitious

Working

Me.

Kel. 29 November 2005.

Beware of Bear

2005-10-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

You Are A: Bear Cub!

Bears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're tough, you won't back down from a fight -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Kitten or a Duck
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a Mouse What Cute Animal Are You?

Shall we play?

2005-10-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

Game

Lost

Found

Lost again

We play the

Same game

Over and over

Again

With different
People

At different
Moment

Of our lives

But the same

rhythm

tempo

beat

we lose

our way

we find

our way

loss

gain

lost

and found

you

let's play

shall we?

Kel. 6 October 2005.

****

I just saw a program on local telly on seeking someone in your past. Omigod, its horrifying the way schools keep records of their past students. Imagine out there somewhere, you leave a trace of yourself in every single educational institute you’ve been in. *wide eyed look*

Isn’t that absolutely terrifying how information & confidential details of our lives are left on records?

Who knows, maybe someday you might be grateful that information is so easily availabe? Although at this point, at this moment, yours truly is just horrified that out there, my LIFE is on record.

Imagine if someone wanted to seek you out, all he/she has to do is to visit our schools.

Who knows, maybe out there somewhere, someone is seeking you.

Who knows, maybe

Just maybe

You would like to be found

Do you?

:::

PS: just read Mrs Craddock. Good book. Shall write about it if yours truly can muster up the effort.

PPS: *Starry sounds like she's in deep shit, ie, lotsa stress from school & student union. Tough luck. But hey, you're live. No one who is mentioned in yours truly's blog will perish from exams/papers/school, etc, you get the point. Don't you? *archly* So get a grip on yourself. Break a leg. Kill a cow, etc, etc. Yours truly would like to sound more sympathetic, but alas, used up her miserable store of sympathy, sweetness & light eons ago. *deadpan*

Take it easy

2005-09-17T01:19:00.000+08:00

I write from my perspective.
My perspective is lopsided.
Therefore, all my writings are lopsided.

A logical fallacy

Indeed

Please

For evilness’ sake

*roll eyes*

There is a line between being a lopsided representation and an impartial attempt to write from all perspectives. Yes, so all mankind are self-centered but that does not mean that all writings are therefore, lopsided.

Yours truly begs to defer. It is not a valid argument in yours truly’s pov that just because it is one’s writing that said writing is inevitably lopsided. That’s just an excuse or perhaps, more likely, someone is in denial.

Not all of someone’s writing are lopsided, in fact, yours truly would never make that accusation.

So in other words, this time, if yours truly have some queries on the lopsided-ness of someone’s discourse, it is an observation of a particular discourse, so the attempt to present everything that has been written as lopsided is not a valid way out. *dryly*.

Someone, me thinks, is being somewhat defensive, maybe. *grin*

So take it easy

and

I rest my case.

All retorts and appeals shalt not be entertained

Yes. So yours truly is being opinionated and tyrannical

So go ahead

Sue me.

wink.

Meaningless Blogging

2005-09-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

A typical moment of my day

[muffled mummers]
*sheer: Are you talking to me?
*candid: Obviously, how many other people can reply to *sheer?

[mentally] er….135?

*sheer: Well, I heard murmurs and since *blunt didn’t say anything, I assumed you were talking to me.
*blunt: how can I reply anything when she said *sheer?
*sheer: but I didn’t hear her. I only heard mummers.
*blunt: but she said *sheer. She did.
*candid: I said *sheer.

Damn. 2 against 1.

Fine. I concede the point. *humph*

Moral#1: there’s only 1 person who can answer to my name. Never mind the poor souls out there who just might happen to share my first name. Hah, too bad for you guys. *roll eyes*

Moral#2: never attempt to talk back to people especially people like *candid when one is occupied and busy.

Moral#3: we all can’t resist an opening for a perfect or even imperfect retorts.

Moral#4: being separated by a cubicle is apparently not an excuse for not being able to hear the person sitting in front of one. In other words, imagine how sharp of hearing most of your neigbhours at work must be and imagine how much grapevine and gossip you might have unintentionally missed out by actually focusing on work. *laconic*

:::

Today, *witchy was surfing yours truly’s blog during office hours (yours truly would like to put on a horrified look but dear evilness approves of such mischief, so yours truly has not much grounds to stand on. So decided let the chance of chastising *witchy go), which is not a problem. The problem is she had the audacity to demand that yours truly blogged at least 10 lines on her. *wow*.

Why would anyone believe that yours truly would be able to blog on demand, more importantly, why would anyone want to take the risk of being blogged about by evil me, which I doubt would be anything less than insulting? Look at the blog *doormat demanded & got. *shake head*

People are indeed strange perverse creatures.

*witchy, probably more so than the rest.

Got you.

Haven’t I?

Don't even bother denying. *sardonically*

Evil me.

My Very Exclusive Clique

2005-09-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

For all birds of a feather

(yes, I mean you. Don't even attempt to try the old trick of looking around.)

My very exclusive clique
Such an assorted bunch you’ll ever meet
Mostly workaholics
Thankfully no real alcoholics
Or such hardworking drunkards you’ll likely never to meet.

Kel. 4 September 2005.

Yours truly knows she has done a brief introduction to my clique previously, but people change, I change, etc, and so the composition of “My Very Exclusive Clique” changes with time as well. This is not to say that the core members change but to admit a fact of life. Sometimes people drift apart; sometimes new friends come along. *shrug*

Having said that, please do not be mistaken, the core members of my clique remains the same, of course, it won’t dare be otherwise, I won’t let it be otherwise.

Okay, before I go on to give my friends a more elaborate introduction; let me first make a qualifier:

The people yours truly introduces in this particular blog is not the entirety of “My Very Exclusive Clique” that was the derivative of the “Mean Club” yours truly founded with some friends in junior college, but more of an introduction to my closer friends and more importantly, people who has been or will be featured or referred to in my blog. One of them is not even part of my clique.

There are 2 other persons who yours truly is inclined to include but decide not to as they really need not much introduction, ie, *Starry & *Wallflower, who has been more or less been around for almost the entirety of my blogging duration.

Btw, fyi, yours truly is horrified to announce that she has succumbed to blogging for a full year come September 11. *gasp*. So think of this as a commemorate yours truly's evil blog birthday.

:::

“Insulting each other is too passe. We must unite to insult others”
~ *private

“We are suckers for things that are hip. If Satan is hip, we would probably convert to Satanism”.
~ *eccentric

“Guilt without actions is just a waste of time”.
~ *snappish

“You think it’s so easy to act bimbotic? Need effort one you know”.
~ *witchy

“People who are goody two shoes in this life must have been totally evil in their previous lives”.
~ *wicked

“I’m going to come back as a dung beetle” “No, I think I’m coming back as a toilet brush”.
~ *Candid

“I’m very proud of my excuse to call him. If you ever need an excuse to contact a guy, I’ll help come up with good ones”.
~ *Peace

“……..”
~ *doormat

“Our friendship are laid on the foundation of lots and lots of food”.
~ yours truly

:::

Where should yours truly start? Should I begin from the beginning on how each of us met? But really, I doubt anyone is so free as to be interested in our humble meetings? *archly* What? You are really so free and really interested? Yours truly is horrified. Go do something more worthwhile & useful! *shoo*

Ok. After chasing away the interested (read: really really odd) readers, yours truly decide to keep the introduction minimal. After all, the quotable quotes by them already says so much about them. (Stop whining *doormat, yours truly will not be whined into quoting something you said. After all, what better represent a doormat than silence? Yes?).

The Founding of the Core of My Very Exclusive Clique

Once upon a time, when yours truly was less cold-hearted and evil, she met *eccentric in a current affairs history class. Back in those time, *eccentric with her long hair and obedient (which was deceiving, by the way) appearance was quite jarring in a current affairs class, although this was probably yours truly’s own biased stereotyping of students in current affairs class. Anyway, yours truly in a moment of *absentmindedness, befriended *eccentric and that was the start of our longstanding karma (read: strange and even stranger. Think Chinese idiom – yuan nie).

Anyway, we discovered after enduring the initial boring get-to-know-you stage, that we got along despite our outward differences and the really contrasting impression we gave to others (imagine we had people ask us “you two are friends?” *roll eyes* No, we’re really enemies but we happen to attend class, have lunch and go out together. *laconic*).

Anyway, in this period of acquaintanceship, *eccentric befriended a girl from her maths class who she loved to harass (yes, harass) such that eventually the poor gal aka *snappish was inevitably drawn into our evil clutches. Did I mention that *snappish had to drop maths later on? See, the influence our evilness has on others. Don't bother wasting your sympathies on *snappish, she's definitely one of us. And this gave her the perfect excuse to blame *eccentric for her own inability to continue to struggle with maths. Besides, this meant that she could drop maths in favor of spending time slacking with us. No competition at all. Yes?

Concurrently when *eccentric was harassing *snappish, yours truly was not idle. I was trying to get another steady looking and quiet classmate into our evil clutches, so enter *private into our threesome at that point. Boy, was we deceived. *deadpan* The steady looking and quiet classmate turned out to have an arsenal of sharp wits (ouch!) and hidden depths. Yours truly totally blame her poker faced and plead not guilty for getting her into our threesome & as our eventual mean club president. And so begins the roots to “our very exclusive clique”.

:::

Okay, remembrances aside, yours truly will briefly insult, (did I say insult? I meant introduce, of course) my closer friends.

*Eccentric is the idealistic and creative one, with the aesthetics sense and really quirky ideas. She is the one who comes up with the themes and funky stuff to do for every massive birthday celebrations we have had for our very exclusive clique. She’s one of yours truly’s ideal travel companion. Ask her about her alternate universe ideal if you doubt her eccentricity. *archly*

*Private, yours truly think, needs no further introduction. She has sharp wits, poker face, confidence and is intensely private. She also has great aesthetics sense & good with her hands and has a flair for languages. What more needs to be said?

*Snappish is of course, already introduced. After all, who else in yours truly’s exclusive clique has the ability to bring about the visitation of Mr Green Eye Monster? She is, yours truly is glad to report, getting darker and more layered. Not implying that she is getting dangerously dark or that she was depthless before (yours truly won’t dare imply as such given the snappish looks she’s already throwing at me) but that her work requires a certain amount of (a) keeping up with current affairs and (b) keeping secrets. Teasing her is one of yours truly & *eccentric’s pet fun. *whispers*

*Witchy, is as always, the bubbly and overly sentimental bimbo. But of course, intelligent too. All of yours truly’s friends are intelligent, who dares to suggest otherwise? *sternly* She is great at writing animated emails. No one writes kinetic emails/sms the way she does. Trust me. Yours truly has exacting taste. *dryly*

*Wicked is newly caught into our evil clutches. She is a long time friend of *eccentric and prior to her fall into our clutches, the film companion of yours truly and *eccentric. She is really really unique. Think oddball and quirky. Her opinions and analogies are usually jarringly unique yet strangely wise (probably more strange than wise, but hey, we all have our flaws). Teasing her is also great fun especially since her retorts are surprising & funny unlike *private, who one can only tease at your own peril. *shake head* Why can’t my friends be *dumber. *deadpan*

*Candid is not in “My Very Exclusive Clique” but yours truly can’t resist including her cos her humor and wits are quick and interesting and blunt. She also has a quite cosmopolitan family, reflective of herself. Yours truly has never come across anyone else who speaks English with a Canadian accent, Mandarin with a Shanghaiese accent and Cantonese like a Hongkonger. Have you? I rest my case. *archly*

*Peace is as her nick suggests, calm, compassionate and strong. But she has a tinge of melancholy in her but hey, given her experience & background, yours truly dare you to say you would emerge as well-adjusted as her. She’s a great listener, entertaining/funny storyteller & most importantly, an admirable therapist. *solemnly*

*Doormat is a paradox of down-to-earth earthliness mixed with surprising lack of pragmatism. She seems malleable but manages to retain her core centre so on yours truly less evil days, (and this happens to be one given my recent promotion at work) I'll say she's adaptable. A somewhat study in contradiction. As she has already had a blog dedicated to her, what more needs to be said except that she is a serious chong-se-qing-you person ie, loosely translated as boyfriend before friends person. *reprimanding look*

So if anyone actually manages to read till this part, yes, yes, yours truly's clique is made up of assorted group of weirdos. So sue me. *arched my brows*

Did you notice that yours truly only wrote on 8 individuals? The cooperative word here is individual. After all, most people are lambs and part of the herd. *grimace*

Perhaps, if yours truly was either more discriminating or less exacting, I would have more friends?

I think

Not.

Insultingly yours,
Evil me.

Retail Therapy

2005-08-27T01:14:00.000+08:00

Yours truly's newest buys today. As promised to upload for *starry to see.

PS: Yours truly's new killer boots.

.

Sorry. Am too tired to write something serious plus taking over or have taken over a new portofolio at work, so busy. no spare brain cells. *yawn*. Will try to blog something more significant or studious next time. *grin*

PPS: I NEED PHOTOS OF GOOD LOOKING MEN for a project! Any volunteers? Assistance? Help? *solemn expression*

Imagine Singapore

2005-08-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

http://www.singapore2025.com/

Reason of Being

2005-08-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

Imagine my shocked look.

*pause*

Can't?

Yes. Me neither. *dryly*

Yours truly excels in lots of other looks, but shocked is not one of them. *deadpan*

So imagine my amazement to receive a late card that failed dismally in its reason of being, by being early.

So give yourself a pat, *wallflower

Your belated birthday card arrived, not only in time, but 2 days early. *quirked my brows*

Quite a feat.

Especially for you.

Evilness will bless you.

Unless you totally misremembered the day your evilness descended to mock & poke fun? *laconic*

Did you? *archly*

No?

Ah.

But would anyone believe you? *smirk*

Easier Said Than Done arched my brows

2005-08-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

You say
I am hard hearted

If being able to let go
When I should
Is hard hearted

Well
I am indeed

You say
I lack idealism
In love

If being able to break up
When there is reason too
Is being un-idealistic

Well
I am indeed

You say
I am too rational
That love should be
Blind

If being able to dump you
When I should
Is rational

Well
Thank you

I'll rather be
Rational.

Kel. 3 August 2005.

Yours truly is never one for the easier said than done. If a guy gives one reason enough to dump him, please for evil's sake, dump him. Do it! Done! Yours truly dislike dragging things out. If a guy dare ask you to move out for the weekend so that he can bring another girl home, for God's sake, dump him. *disgusted look* What is so difficult to decide in this situation? Yours truly would have thought this was truly a clear cut case. It is not even close to being on the edge of dilemma, even for the most romantically inclined sappy female. After all, why the hell should anyone allow someone else to step all over him/her? (I'm for gender equality).

Which is why, when yours truly heard this from circumstances from a friend, all I wanted to do was give her a scolding and shake her hard. How can the phrase "easier said than done" even be applied in this case? *bewildered look* For heaven's sake, dump that jerk.

This has nothing to do with being rational, won't you agree?

Anyway, if this is being rational, thank evilness, that I was born this way.

News Flash

2005-07-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

"The mind that's conscious of its rectitude,

Laughs at the lies of rumor."

~ Ovid

:::

On the office front, major changes appear to be expected as some colleagues have tendered the R letter all at the same time. It appears that some collusion has taken place since the people involved appear to be from the same clique. The reasons for the R letter shall alas, remain confidential, but never fear, this writer, yours truly knows. The grapevine is working perfectly. Trust me.

On the home front, a cousin has been hospitalized for minor op. What is interesting is that a friend of hers took leave and flew all the way back from China to keep her company. This has led to some interesting speculation. It might be possible that if one has a close friend, to be close enough to co-own an apartment, after all, yours truly would not mind buying an apartment with my clique like *snappy or *eccentric, etc, as an investment. But so close that one shares a bank account and countersign each other's cheques? I don't think so. Btw, did I mention that my cousin and said friend belong to the female of the species? Ah. I see, you got my point.

On the friends front, yours truly have a great planned outing on Saturday to celebrate *eccentric's birthday. Whole clique minus *confused, otherwise known as *sentimental who is away in HK for her 6th anniversary, assuming yours truly got her facts right. Anyway, high point is that we are going for a water cruise picnic & *doormat is flying back from Japan! I have had reliable news that a tripe decked chocolate, coffee and cheese cake has been ordered. Did I mention that I allocated the food to bring? *arched my brows *

Also on the same front, a friend who shall go unnamed to avoid revealing her identity has requested a private me and her outing. Yours truly sense a gossip secret sharing session. And while yours truly have yet to decipher totally what the conversation topic will be about, I have a fairly good idea. In other words, my instincts are kicking in.

On the personal front, yours truly has been requested by her Norwegian friend to host or act as tour guide for friend's friend coming to Singapore. Said friend is coming with another friend. Both of whom yours truly do not know and have not met. However, yours truly decide to do a kind deed, which occurs like once every blue blue moon.

Also on current news, yours truly have been able to get a complimentary room at a HIP hotel for yours truly's bday. In return, yours truly has to attend dinner by my dept. Small price to pay, I think, for the hotel room. But yours truly needs company. Thus, have asked *starry to please come along. Hopefully, she will. Can you hear the pressure building? *deadpan*

This ends the news flash of yours truly otherwise boring life.

Other news will remain unreported.

Signing off.

Evil me.

A Woman's Needs - A Man's Ablility

2005-07-09T16:34:00.000+08:00

A Man's Requirements
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

I
Love me Sweet, with all thou art,
Feeling, thinking, seeing;
Love me in the lightest part,
Love me in full being.

II
Love me with thine open youth
In its frank surrender;
With the vowing of thy mouth,
With its silence tender.

III
Love me with thine azure eyes,
Made for earnest grantings;
Taking colour from the skies,
Can Heaven's truth be wanting?

IV
Love me with their lids, that fall
Snow-like at first meeting;
Love me with thine heart, that all
Neighbours then see beating.

V
Love me with thine hand stretched out
Freely -- open-minded:
Love me with thy loitering foot, --
Hearing one behind it.

VI
Love me with thy voice, that turns
Sudden faint above me;
Love me with thy blush that burns
When I murmur 'Love me!'

VII
Love me with thy thinking soul,
Break it to love-sighing;
Love me with thy thoughts that roll
On through living -- dying.

VIII
Love me in thy gorgeous airs,
When the world has crowned thee;
Love me, kneeling at thy prayers,
With the angels round thee.

IX
Love me pure, as muses do,
Up the woodlands shady:
Love me gaily, fast and true,
As a winsome lady.

X
Through all hopes that keep us brave,
Farther off or nigher,
Love me for the house and grave,
And for something higher.

XI
Thus, if thou wilt prove me, Dear,
Woman's love no fable,
I will love thee -- half a year --
As a man is able.

(asking for a lot, aren't I? but at least I'm honest.) *archly*

:::

Such a cliche statement - nan2 ren2 bu2 huai4, nv3 ren2 bu2 ai4. (loosely translated as "If a guy is not bad/naughty/wicked, a gal would not love him) In other words, women are attracted by RAKES. Perversely, women like to complain abt a guy being bad but hey, if he is too nice, he's not considered charming either. *shake head*

So probably nice guys do finish last?

Yours truly have nothing against nice guys, just not the NEW AGE SENSITIVE MAN, who comes across as wimpy...But in my defense, it's not whether they are nice or not, it's whether they have backbone and character. And guys with such traits are automatically already out of the nice category, probably that's why guys, i'm told, hate to be describe as nice by girls because nice = boring. How true.

Me being me, being not at all inclined towards the let's stay together forever and forever, etc, etc. Let's just take one day at a time. So what do I need a nice guy for? Obviously, an interesting one has more possibilities? It's not as if i'm looking for a nice lamb to set up house with, so give me a wolf any day and I will love as he will, for 1/2 a year as he is able.

Thank you very much.

Next Topic: Gender Quirks

Hopeless - Nice Guys Finish Last

2005-07-09T16:27:00.000+08:00

Response by: *Wallflower

Artist: Olivia Newton-John Lyrics
Song: Hopelessly Devoted to You Lyrics

Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,
there's just no gettin' over you
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around
and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else
for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you
My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you

A Frivolous Blog

2005-06-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Not that yours truly's blog is usually like oh-so-serious but still, she has yet to degenerate into pure frivolous blogging. But in her defense, she must first proclaim that these are 2 NEW tops that she is quite happy with. Moreover, she is on 2 days leave to laze around. So forgive her giving into the whim of showing off her tops.

Lacra - White V-Neck with Embroidery (the material is fantastic!)

Black Embroidered Top (note the whole length of ribbons behind!

Now think of all the ribbons from *Starry. *nod solemnly*)

Too bad yours truly can't take better pixel pic since I don't own a digital cam, but trust me, the embroidery and fabric are great.

Yes, seriously. The 2 tops are great buys, at least, I think so.

And who are you to say otherwise?

Besides, like I care what you think. *laconic*

Every Gal's Wish

2005-06-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

"Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love."
~ King Solomon

***

Hopelessly Loved

To love and be loved in return
A most wondrous gift

To love and not be loved
A most tragic fate

To be loved and not love
A most fortunate luck

To be the less loving
A fate so fortunate
Yet so tragic

For only in reciprocation
Lies the wondrous
Gift

Of you
Of me
Of us

But

If a choice
Was forced
Upon

Me

Then

Dear lord

Let me be loved
More than I deserve

Let me be
Hopelessly loved

Let me be
The less loving

Always.

Kel. 19 June 2005.

:::

Next Topic: Hopeless

Needs of a Woman

2005-06-19T11:58:00.000+08:00

Response by: *Wallflower

:::

Mrs. Beast

These myths going round, these legends, fairytales,
I'll put them straight; so when you stare
into my face - Helen's face, Cleopatra's,
Queen of Sheba's, Juliet's - then, deeper,
gaze into my eyes - Nefertiti's, Mona Lisa's,
Garbo's eyes - think again. The Little Mermaid slit
her shining, silver tail in two, rubbed salt
into that stinking wound, got up and smiled, waltzed,
all for a Prince, a pretty boy, a charming one
who'd dump her in the end, chuck her, throw her overboard.

I could have told her - look, love, I should know,
they're bastards when they're Princes.
What you want to do is find yourself a Beast. The sex
is better. Myself, I came to the House of the Beast
no longer a girl, knowing my own mind,
my own gold stashed in the bank,
my own black horse at the gates
ready to carry me off at one wrong word,
one false move, one dirty look.

But the Beast fell to his knees at the door
to kiss my glove with his mongrel lips - good -
showed by the tears in his bloodshot eyes
that he knew he was blessed - better -
didn't try to conceal his erection,
size of a mule's - best. And the Beast
watched me open, decant and quaff
a bottle of Chateau Margaux '54,
the year of my birth, before he lifted a paw.

I'll tell you more. Stripped of his muslin shirt
and his corduroys, he steamed in his pelt,
ugly as sin. He had the grunts, the groans, the yelps,
the breath of a goat. I had the language, girls.
The lady says Do this. Harder. The lady says
Do that. Faster. The lady says That's not where I meant.
it last it all made sense. The pig in my bed
was invited. And if his snout and trotters fouled
my damask sheets, why, then, he'd wash them. Twice.

Meantime, here was his horrid leather tongue
to scour in between my toes. Here
were his hooked and yellowy claws to pick my nose,
if I wanted that. Or to scratch my back
till it bled. Here was his bullock's head
to sing off-key all night where I couldn't hear.
Here was a bit of him like a horse, a ram,
an ape, a wolf, a dog, a donkey, dragon, dinosaur.

Need I say more? On my Poker nights, the Beast
kept out of sight. We were a hard school, tough as fuck,
all of us beautiful and rich - the Woman
who married a Minotaur, Goldilocks, the Bride
of the Bearded Lesbian, Frau Yellow Dwarf, et Moi.
I watched those wonderful women shuffle and deal -
Five and Seven Card Stud, Sidewinder, Hold 'Em, Draw -
I watched them bet and raise and call. One night,
a head-to-head between Frau Yellow Dwarf and Bearded's
Bride was over the biggest pot I'd seen in my puff.

The Frau had the Queen of Clubs on the baize
and Bearded the Queen of Spades. Final card. Queen each.
Frau Yellow raised. Bearded raised. Goldilocks' eyes
were glued to the pot as though porridge bubbled there.
The Minotaur's wife lit a stinking cheroot. Me,
I noticed the Frau's hand shook as she placed her chips.

Bearded raised her a final time, then stared,
stared so hard you felt your dress would melt
if she blinked. I held my breath. Frau Yellow
swallowed hard, then called. Sure enough, Bearded flipped
her Aces over; diamonds, hearts, the pubic Ace of Spades.

And that was a lesson learnt by all of us -
the drop-dead gorgeous Bride of the Bearded Lesbian didn't
bluff.

But behind each player stood a line of ghosts
unable to win. Eve. Ashputtel. Marilyn Monroe.
Rapunzel slashing wildly at her hair.
Bessie Smith unloved and down and out.
Bluebeard's wives, Henry VIII's, Snow White
cursing the day she left the seven dwarfs, Diana,
Princess of Wales. The sheepish Beast came in
with a tray of schnapps at the end of the game
and we stood for the toast - Fay Wray -
then tossed our fiery drinks to the back of our crimson
throats.

Bad girls. Serious ladies. Mourning our dead.

So I was hard on the Beast, win or lose,

when I got upstairs, those tragic girls dancing in my head,

turfing him out of bed; standing alone

on the balcony, the night so cold I could taste the stars

on the tip of my tongue. And I made a prayer -

thumbing my pearls, the tears of Mary, one by one,

like a rosary - words for the lost, the captive beautiful,

the wives, those less fortunate than we.

The moon was a hand-mirror breathed on by a Queen.

My breath was a chiffon scarf for an elegant ghost.

I turned to go back inside. Bring me the Beast for the night.

Bring me the wine-cellar key. Let the less-loving one be me.

~ Carol Ann Duffy (in The World' Wife, 1999)

next topic: The Less-Loving One

PS: *Wallflower, glad that you picked this poem. My fav from "The World's Wife". *grin*

Unending Love

2005-06-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

Without warning
as a whirlwind
swoops on an oak
Love shakes my heart
~ Sappho

Seriously, *Starry's answer to unending love is ahem...quite personal so to speak. Yours truly is almost *embarassed to put it here. but hey, she might take the blog down, so for the sake of future *blackmail material, here it is:

I find myself in a relationship, loving you more than you would care for me. Call this a misconception, perhaps? But the aching heart that feels empty without you, and the dreams and daydreams of you and the times we had together, not forgetting the tingle of my skin where you used to touch me with such tenderness, and at every possible moment my act of reading and re-reading your writings to me, endlessly... these obsessions, my love, are cataclysmic of my inner actions never for any single soul and they prove my worth of love. If the physical proof you require, shall we compare tears shed? For the eye's dew speaks true of what is really in the heart. And with this measure, it is once again me who loves you more.

This unending love, that poets and romantics and idealists speak of -- I know it to be true for I cannot comprehend how this heart can be presented so whole and unconditional to you to be taken away and presented for another. This gift freely and eagerly given and used as you please as long as you are it's master and keeper.

I have given you a gift so precious. Do you really treasure it as much as you should?

Yet, it is obvious that I love you more than you for me and the logical truth then reveals that you love me less than I for you. This is the evil reality of human relationships, that it can not exist in an equilibrium.

I recall the day when we still were each our own. Then you'd slay dragons at the risk of your very life because you claim that it'd be meaningless without my favour. And as a knight most honourable, you'd stake your pride merely for this damsel's smile and blush. I was the prize of your calculated actions.

I believe you love me, but my love was in part a conquest too, wasn't it?

While you still sing me your love in your knightly ways and charms sweep me off my feet, and while your lips show homage of affections both through words and deed most effectively, how can this mere damsel resist the heady spell you've cast for the moment? When the bed is left cold on your side and your voice now a distant echo in the mind I can only long for you in a most painful and torturous manner.

Your assurance of everlasting love I need, convincingly and to be taken by the hand or mind to visually see forevermore. Your assurance, if you even tried was futile and even more certain am I that you love me less.

Slowly but surely, your ignorant ways of the needs of a woman will fail you to convince me of your verbal promise of love. Slowly but surely, I will eventually love you less. Soon, nothing, as pain can numb the self.

Wasn't it a pity, that we started out being so sure of evermore but it became a temporary, fleeting feeling to now, nothing?

.::.

Next topic: the Needs of a Woman

Love is a game

between a man & a woman?

A Different Type of Love Poem

2005-06-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

Topic: Reborn Rebirth Restart
Response by: *Wallflower

Evolution

When you were a tadpole and I was a fish
In the Paleozoic time,
And side by side on the ebbing tide
We sprawled through the ooze and slime,
Or skittered with many a caudal flip
Through the depths of the Cambrian fen,
My heart was rife with the joy of life,
For I loved you even then.
Mindless we lived and mindless we loved
And mindless at last we died;
And deep in the rift of the Caradoc drift
We slumbered side by side.
The world turned on in the lathe of time,
The hot lands heaved amain,
Till we caught our breath from the womb of death
And crept into light again.
We were amphibians, scaled and tailed,
And drab as a dead man's hand;
We coiled at ease 'neath the dripping trees
Or trailed through the mud and sand.
Croaking and blind, with our three-clawed feet
Writing a language dumb,
With never a spark in the empty dark
To hint at a life to come.
Yet happy we lived and happy we loved,
And happy we died once more;
Our forms were rolled in the clinging mold
Of a Neocomian shore.
The eons came and the eons fled
And the sleep that wrapped us fast
Was riven away in a newer day
And the night of death was past.
Then light and swift through the jungle trees
We swung in our airy flights,
Or breathed in the balms of the fronded palms
In the hush of the moonless nights;
And, oh! what beautiful years were there
When our hearts clung each to each;
When life was filled and our senses thrilled
In the first faint dawn of speech.
Thus life by life and love by love
We passed through the cycles strange,
And breath by breath and death by death
We followed the chain of change.
Till there came a time in the law of life
When over the nursing side
The shadows broke and soul awoke
In a strange, dim dream of God.
I was thewed like an Auruch bull
And tusked like the great cave bear;
And you, my sweet, from head to feet
Were gowned in your glorious hair.
Deep in the gloom of a fireless cave,
When the night fell o'er the plain
And the moon hung red o'er the river bed
We mumbled the bones of the slain.
I flaked a flint to a cutting edge
And shaped it with brutish craft;
I broke a shank from the woodland lank
And fitted it, head and haft;
Then I hid me close to the reedy tarn,
Where the mammoth came to drink;
Through the brawn and bone I drove the stone
And slew him upon the brink.
Loud I howled through the moonlit wastes,
Loud answered our kith and kin;
From west and east to the crimson feast
The clan came tramping in.
O'er joint and gristle and padded hoof
We fought and clawed and tore,
And check by jowl with many a growl
We talked the marvel o'er.
I carved that fight on a reindeer bone
With rude and hairy hand;
I pictured his fall on the cavern wall
That men might understand.
For we lived by blood and the right of might
Ere human laws were drawn,
And the age of sin did not begin
Till our brutal tush were gone.
And that was a million years ago
In a time that no man knows;
Yet here tonight in the mellow light
We sit at Delmonico's.
Your eyes are deep as the Devon springs,
Your hair is dark as jet,
Your years are few, your life is new,
Your soul untried, and yet -
Our trail is on the Kimmeridge clay
And the scarp of the Purbeck flags;
We have left our bones in the Bagshot stones
And deep in the Coralline crags;
Our love is old, our lives are old,
And death shall come amain;
Should it come today, what man may say
We shall not live again?
God wrought our souls from the Tremadoc beds
And furnished them wings to fly;
We sowed our spawn in the world's dim dawn,
And I know that it shall not die,
Though cities have sprung above the graves
Where the crook-bone men make war
And the oxwain creaks o'er the buried caves
Where the mummied mammoths are.
Then as we linger at luncheon here
O'er many a dainty dish,
Let us drink anew to the time when you
Were a tadpole and I was a fish.
-- Langdon Smith

Next topic: Unending Love

Personally, yours truly think we should leave this topic to *Starry. What do you think, *Wallflower?

Blog Game Reloaded Reloaded - In the Name of Misery

2005-06-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

Misery is Arthur Den
Not realizing his down to the last 2 minutes of life on earth

Misery is Catherine Earnshaw
For living in the wrong time

Misery is Othello
For not trusting where he should

Misery is Winston Smith
For his freedom has a price

Misery is Margaret
Trying to face down Granny Weatherwax

Misery is Havisham
For wallowing in self pity in a yellowing dress

Not knowing
Not accepting
Not trusting
Not believing
Not having company

In misery
We live
We grow
We die

Seasons come
And
Seasons go

Flowers die
And
Flowers bloom.

Kel. 6 June 2005.

***
Opps, yours truly missed out the Scribbler's response to Absurd World. Even though to be honest, I was expecting something more existential in essence. *grin* Anyway, here's my reply.

Next topic: Reborn Rebirth Restart

Envy

2005-05-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

I hate you

I hate the way
you describe your experiences
in the Big Apple
making me yearn
for more

I hate you

I hate the way
You make me feel inadequate
For not keeping up
With scholarly studies
Making me guilty
For knowing too little

I hate you

I hate the way
You live the life
To the fullest
Creating
Learning
Making me feel
Stagnant

I hate you

I hate the way
You know so much
Have so much to look
Forward to
Making me depressed
About putting my life
On hold
To save up for my
Life ahead

I hate you
I really do
Even if you provide
Eye candy

Even if you provide
So much interesting knowledge

I still hate
You

I do.

Kel. 31 May 2005

Food! Food! Food!

2005-05-28T00:59:00.000+08:00

Calm is all Nature as a Resting Wheel

Calm is all nature as a resting wheel.
The kine are couched upon the dewy grass;
The horse alone, seen dimly as I pass,
Is cropping audibly his later meal:
Dark is the ground; a slumber seems to steal
O'er vale, and mountain, and the starless sky.
Now, in this blank of things, a harmony,
Home-felt, and home-created, comes to heal
That grief for which the senses still supply
Fresh food; for only then, when memory
Is hushed, am I at rest.
My Friends! restrain
Those busy cares that would allay my pain;
Oh! leave me to myself, nor let me feel
The officious touch that makes me droop again.

~ William Wordsworth

Yours truly really hate to degenerate into food blogging. But really, I just had the most satisfying meal in ages at Café de Amigo. Of course, the end of my exams probably had a lot to do it with. But trust me, nothing beats good food, indulgence and great company after a sucky bleak doomed to flunk paper. *grimace*

Ok. Let’s skip the depressing topic and back to the food.

Starters
*Candid - escargots and baked oyster.
Yours truly - deep fried cheese. (OMG! 3 types of cheese. Indescribable)

Soup
*Candid - onion soup.
Yours truly - cream of potato
(Ok. This course was pretty average. Not the best soup that I had. *shrug* But it was acceptable. PS: Yours truly just mastered the art of cooking the perfect thick & creamy soup using Campbell in her bid to find excuses not to study for her taxation exam.)

Main Course
*Candid – Lamb
Yours truly – Rib Eye Steak
(Good, tender & succulent. Need I say more? Although according to *Candid, nothing beats the moist and tender lamb at Esmirada, Chijmes)

Dessert
Tiramisu
(Again, a very acceptable dessert. Not too bad texture and just a dash of rum. But according to *snappish & *eccentric, the best tiramisu in town is at this Italian restaurant (?), Great World City.)

Nice cosy atmosphere even though they won’t allow you in without a reservation. Quite popular. Two big units shop front and a wine place to boot with free corkage. Damn, wished I brought a bottle of my fav german wine. *sigh*. The owner speaks with a really slangish English accent, sounds American-ish but he speaks with his wife & staff in fluent Cantonese. Yours truly suspect they are probably from Hong Kong. Today, being a Friday night, entail slow service and long waiting. But hey, at least the food is worth it. The customers are largely older people, more like my grandparents’ age but obviously from comfortably wealthy educated family. Their manner made it seem like “we dropped by a neighbourhood place for dinner”. Did I mention we were in the middle of town area aka Orchard? *archly*

Anyway, food/restaurant gushing aside. The sucky sucky exams are finally over. Trust me, I never had such a dreary time as the past week, despite not having to go to work, I couldn’t even enjoy my leave because of the depressing need to study. There is really nothing as excruciatingly boring as TAX. I think I would rather go back to Varsity and do almost any other Political Science or Philosophy module in comparison.

The tragic news is, when results are out and I flunk, I have to go through Tax all over again! Dear Evilness, help!

On other news, when I returned to my office today, OMG, I can’t see my desktop. It is that covered with work. *whistles* And I don’t even have a really huge active portofolio. What has everyone been doing while I was gone? *laconically*

Also, yours truly went shopping after my exam & bought 2 new tops (retail therapy, you know). ^_^

So all in all, a nice ending to a sucky morning of exam. Yikes.

Right, whining over. Back to cold hearted bitch wannabe.

Over and out.

Untitled

2005-05-20T15:52:00.000+08:00

I.
Technology has
Changed
The unity of
Space

Bodies move
Across
Space
Differently

Escalators transport
Bodies
Rather than
Human will

We move
Not in motion
With our bodies
But through

The unity of space
With the motion
Of technology
Space has

Changed

We are
Stationary
Technology has
Made us

Motionless

II.
Change is the
Only
Constant

Change is the
Only pillar
Of life

Living with
Change
A Necessity

Accept
Change
Willingly

To bear
The burden
Of heaviness

Of constant
Change
Diffidently

To bear the
Heaviness of the Soul

Acceptingly

III.
Motion of the body
Motion of the spirit
Motion of the soul

Is changed
Has changed
Will change

Poetry in Motion
Motion in Poetry
Poetry and Motion

Of the body
Of the spirit
Of the soul

Creation
Change
Movement

IV.
My body
My spirit
My soul

Your body
Your spirit
Your soul

Our body
Our spirit
Our soul

In motion
Live
And

Change

V.
You
Me
Us

Live
And
Change

We live apart
We stay together

But we change
Apart

But we change

Our motion
Our steps
Changing

Constantly

We can
We must
Accept

Changes

We can
We must
Live with

Changes

We can
But
Grow

Apart

VI.
Dreams come
Dreams go

We grow
We change

Our changes
Our growth
Draws us

Apart

Only few
Grow and change

In pace

But alas
We belong
Not

In that group.

Kel. 20 May 2005.

In boredom, I blog

2005-05-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

Oh Dear

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Being in love
Is no longer fashionable

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
One night stands
Are the in thing now

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Speed dating
Is done these days

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Dates last only
For seconds nowadays

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Women can survive
Without men

Oh dear
Haven’t you heard
Women like me
Survive without men
Like you

Oh dear
Do listen more.

Kel. 16 May 2005.

2005-05-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

I still do

You laugh at me
Because I like silly love songs
But I still do
Even if they are mushy

You tease me
Because I like children’s novels
But I still do
Even if they are simple

You mock me
Because I like frivolous romances
But I still do
Even if they are too girlish

You laugh
You tease
You mock

But I still do
Like what I like

In the same way
I still do
Like you

Even if you lack the soul of a poet
Even if you are not the perfect man of my dreams
Because even than,
I still do
Like you.

Kel. 10 Jan 2005

The chaos of human; The whimsy of living

2005-05-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

Human Abstract
~ William Blake.

Pity would be no more,
If we did not make somebody Poor
And Mercy no more could be,
If all were as happy as we;

And mutual fear brings peace,
Till the selfish loves increase;
Then Cruelty knits a snare,
And spreads his baits with care.
He sits down with holy fears,
And waters the ground with tears;
Then Humility takes its root
Underneath his foot.

Soon spreads the dismal shade
Of mystery over his head;
And the Caterpillar and Fly
Feed on the Mystery.

And it bears the fruit of Deceit,
Ruddy and sweet to eat;
And the Raven his nest has mad

In its thickest shade.

:::

What more can be chaotic than life? More whimiscal than living?

Next topic: an absurd world